The healing path

About six weeks ago, I began councilling for adults who are affected by a certain type of childhood abuse. I’ve avoided discussing it in detail my entire life, but it got to the point that it needed to be processed and dealt with with someone impartial. Although I’m 46 years old and i no longer harbour any resentment, it still affects me.

It can be challenging enough to live with the memories. But in discussing it, I have now bust open a can of worms. It has affected me on pretty much every level. Especially the way I cope in relationships. It’s hard to sink in that in some ways, I haven’t emotionally moved on from it.

It was easy to see and understandable that I suffered poor mental health as a result. The labels of borderline personality disorder to psychosis seemed a natural progression for someone who had no real stability growing up and abused alcohol the way I did. We were dragged from town to town in the wake of my dad’s ever deteriorating mental state before I finally left home age 15. His addiction problems only grew over time, and his threats of suicide became normal to us. He became dangerously unhinged.

I grew up up without any healthy mental coping strategies. I didn’t know how to deal with stress. My ADHD was simply my way of managing the pressures I felt. It seemed normal that I would seek out ways to quieten my mind. Alcohol became my escape, and I latched on to its mind altering effects from my early teens. And abused it into chronic alcoholism. Self harming was just another way to deal with my over emotional state. I was damaged goods, with no solid understanding of how to get by in life.

All this personal experience has been the driving force to becoming a better father, and it has become useful in that sense. Because I understand and know what a child can suffer from the absence of that love, my daughters deserve a loving dad who is stable and present. As much as I have changed and grown in sobriety for the better over the last decade, it seems I still have work to do to iron out some of the creases. And to finally discuss what needs to be talked about. To put it to bed once and for all.

So if you are a man grappling with a past that is affecting your present. Never feel ashamed to reach out and begin the unravelling process. It will be painful but also enlightening. Change and growth can be made from what is uncovered and let go of. The strongest thing a man can do is face his own demons.

Below is a link to the free meditation exercise I practice that led me to become free from the anger and also allowed me to strengthen from stress.

The reconnection of a relationship after babies

If you are a parent with newborns, or young children you will be aware that things can emotionally change between yourself and your partner. Those changes most likely began with the pregnancy. You may also be wondering if your relationship will ever be the same?

My wife and I didn’t sail into the pregnancy in a good place together. We had dealt with the stress of moving house a month before we discovered we had triplets. And we were also dealing with a couple of years filled with disappointment in failing to conceive. We did have the occasional spark of hope, which sadly turned out to be false positive tests.

There was a building tension in our marriage that was reaching breaking point. Then BOOM! We were thrown into a high risk pregnancy and there was no going back.

From the first scan it was like we veered off in different directions emotionally. My wife consumed and struggling with the fears and risks involved with our situation. And me doing my best to remain conscious and keep my family calm and together.

There was a disconnect between us throughout the whole pregnancy. We may have been under the same roof, but we weren’t together.


The next time we would reconnect was in the NICU with the safe arrival ou our trio. We finally landed on the same page. Brought together by the love, relief and joy at the safe arrival of Ava, Blakely and Lacey.

As we brought them home my wife, and rightly so, became completely focused on the babies’. As I had stayed solid through the pregnancy, we now switched roles. As Stacey found her instincts as a mother, I began to sink into depression under the pressure of home life, work and sleep deprivation. My wife was too focused on her job to hear my problems as I struggled with my sanity. I once again felt as far apart from my wife as we were during the pregnancy.

I became consumed with the fear that before she fell pregnant we were a couple unhappy. And that maybe we would never reconnect as the couple who were once in love. I felt on the outside looking in on our home life, even though I was completely involved as a father. tiredness can do horrible things to a mind.

I became paranoid that our relationship was done. That It was now her and the babies. That I was no longer an interest in her life. self-pity was creeping in. And it wasn’t who I wanted to be, man consumed with myself and my doubts. I would be no use as a father in that place.

Looking back It took one thing for us to reconnect as a couple. Patience. My wife had been through the mill with the pregnancy and was finding her place as a mother to three babies. As I was finding my role. Which was just to support her and be patient. To not make my fears and anxieties an extra weight to put on her. All I needed to do was to be of use, to my wife and stay involved with my daughters.


It was only when I began to step back from pressuring her, and let go of my fears and doubts about our relationship that we begin to find each other again. We needed each other more than ever. And She needed all the space and support I could give her. Of course things have changed. But those massive changes have only bonded us closer as a family finding our way in a surreal situation.

My job a s husband has always been to support my wife. My job as a father in the beginning was no different. Be patient and you will almost certainly meet again. And discover the love you once had will have gone no-where,

The futile struggle with stress

I once believed I had the power within me to deal with everything that came my way. To be the man with all the answers. As problems surmounted in the stream of life, the more overwhelmed I gradually became. And the more pressure I felt to deal with my problems the harder I fought. The bigger my pride got the harder it became to admit I was getting bogged down by stress.

I can only speak for myself but I had a big hurdle in the face of my struggles, I never want to admit that I was finding life hard. To me it was a sign of weakness. This prideful – ego driven attitude only pushed me further into conflict with myself. No man likes to admit defeat, especially within himself. The only relief came from distracting myself from my problems. Yet nothing ever got resolved, no matter how drunk or stoned I got.

I remained on a roundabout for years of battling with my problems and only being pulled further into the negativity of my situation. Looking for solutions and resenting each failure to find a way to live free from the pain I was causing myself.

I resented that I was struggling to cope. And that the more I struggled the worse my problems seem to get.

Life is supposed to be challenging, we cannot avoid stressful situations and people who bring emotional upset our way. All these events we face daily, bring with them a temptation to react. And each time we do we are pulled into an emotional struggle of resenting and judging within ourselves. That was my problem – it always had been.

Since becoming a parent to triplets I have found the pressures relentless, and I cannot allow myself to get pulled under constantly by rising negative emotions. The weight that would put on my family would be too much for them to carry.

In the past I struggled with depression, alcoholism, anxiety, mental health, addictions, my negative thinking and a failing of all of my personal relationships as a direct result of suppressing fears and resentments. It was an exhausting existence, fighting to deal with all of that insanity under the surface and try to look outwardly okay (believe me, most of the time I didn’t).

I discovered there is a simple solution to meeting life pressures without running. And it is not to struggle or fight, or to assert any willful effort at all to try and personally resolve any conflicts I was experiencing.

The answer was to do nothing. Just sit still and do absolutely nothing. To simply wake up and become conscious through this very special metaphysical meditation exercise.

If you are willing to meditate using this unique Non contemplative meditation you will almost instantly discover the solution to dealing with stress. You will also discover what has been causing your inability to manage.

And the solution lies in the present moment. In the ability to just watch the temptation to struggle from the meditative state.

This is a life changing proposal.

This is how to get there……….