Mindfulness – an antidote for anger

7 years ago I met a man who offered me a new way to deal with the stresses and pressures of the day by way of a simple meditation practice.

There’s no getting away from the problems anger can cause under a roof. From minor irritations that create conflicts to all out fits of rage, anger in any form is a force that only serves to destroy relationships. At home and in the workplace

When I reached out for help all those years ago I was a year sober and living a good life, yet under the surface I felt anger constantly bubbling away. It was inescapable and I was doing my best to manage it and keep the lid on.

I was losing sleep with a racing mind that was forever settling old debts, raging at past resentments and everyone was walking on eggshells around me. In short- everyone was pissing me off.

I once did dialectical behavioral therapy for Borderline personality disorder. And it was there I was first introduced to meditation and the idea of having a teflon mind. Meaning that I could have the ability to allow thoughts to wash over me, leaving me unaffected. It was great in theory but I never seemed to be able to do it. Most of the meditation exercises I used were distraction techniques. The problem remained under the surface and I just got worse.

How different my life would be if I could live each day unaffected by my overactive mind and the emotions that spun out of my thinking.

When my new friend introduced me to a very different meditation exercise I remained sceptical. I was sure there was a catch, but he wanted nothing in return. He explained that all I had to do was to learn to observe my thoughts consciously. That non contemplative meditation would pull me out of the thinking mind and allow me to just watch what went on in my head without getting dragged into it.

It became clear very quickly that I had discovered the keys to the kingdom. All of a sudden my life changed drastically simply by being still in moments of emotional pressure and allowing resentment and fear to wash over me. This meditation became a life saver.

No longer was anger a problem as it was removed from me. I began to live by intuition rather a desperately seeking answers to my problems. It was also effortless. My relationships became easier to deal with and I had more energy from not tiring myself out with resentment.

Mindfulness it seemed was the solution. That light in the present moment can drive out any darkness.

I will leave a link here for anyone incase you think you may benefit. I know you will.


Let go

We all have the ability to forgive. To be free from anger. It doesn’t mean we have to approve of the events that created the emotional damage, it simply means the resentments no longer control us.

Letting go of anger is vital if we are to progress in this lifetime. And it’s not just the big resentments that we need to be free from, it’s also the smaller irritations that we need to be able to overcome on a daily basis. In that sense it’s not just the tigers that will get us, it’s also the bunnies that can take us out.

All negative reactions affect our ability to discern. They cloud our judgement which in turn affect the way we act and treat others; and ourselves. We have all experienced being pissed off about past events that we couldn’t control. Overthinking removes us from the present moment. Even getting angry about future events that may or may not happen can cause us to react with negativity. Fear is just as destructive.

I lived for a long time as an active alcoholic. I know full well the effects that hanging on to resentment cause. There are also negative physical affects from being unwilling to forgive others, justified or otherwise. We cannot live to our full potential when driven by anger.

So how do you let go?

If you could go all day without reacting to the small and big irritations, to be able to stay unaffected by the racing mind. Imagine how different your life would become.

No longer lost in overthinking you would live consciously in the present moment. The only place you ever need to be. If you were able to meet stress and the negativity in others with grace your life would change drastically. You would experience true freedom.

Meditation is a way to start practicing conscious awareness. By learning to observe what passes through the mind without getting dragged into negative thoughts and emotions. This exercise is for anyone with a stressful life. Or those suffering from anger and internal conflicts.

This is a life changing exercise and if practiced daily will free you from the negativity within. As the saying goes ‘light will overcome darkness’. It’s not just a metaphor, it is possible with this free meditation exercise.

There is link at the bottom of this blog post below. I share this a lot, and for good reason. Be still and let go of resentment. It’s that simple. There is no effort involved.

Make a change now and discover real freedo. No matter what your situation.


A fathers love

Dysfunction breeds dysfunction, and I strongly believe that for a child to grow in confidence and kindness a man needs to be a stable presence in the home.

A man who is distracted by negativity will only bring those negative emotions into his daily life. I know from my own experience the damage a father can cause to a family unit when he is lost in himself and his problems. And by problems I’m referring to emotional issues.

Childern especially pick up on negativity. It stresses them and creates fear. Barriers that come between a child and dad can be incredibly difficult to dismantle as time goes by. The outcome is strained relationships within a family.

There is a solution. The stresses of daily life, or even the stresses of past events that still plague a man can be overcome. A fathers love can change everything under his roof if he is willing to change for the better.

The answer to negative thinking and over emotional responses to life comes in the ability to observe one’s own mind. To watch without being affected by the thoughts and emotions that arise to distract from the present moment; the only place a man needs to be.

Through this simple meditation exercise, becoming conscious and free from the overthinking is possible. Men who have adopted non contemplative meditation have experienced massive upheavals and personal changes in the way they face the pressures of daily life.

Free from anger and fear you are left with intuition. A natural guiding system that is only available in the present moment. When practicing conscious awareness, outgoing love becomes the normal state. Patience and tolerance become a side effect of giving up the struggle with self. Overcoming personal problems comes easily and stress becomes a force that we sharpen from, instead of it grinding us down.

Be still. It can be practiced anytime, anywhere

If you have already used this non religious meditation you will be aware of how powerful it is. You will already be experiencing life in the 4th dimension. It really is a life changing exercise. Freedom from deppresion and anxiety are also possible by using this simple, free practice.

Practicing patience with your family changes everything. To be able to keep your head in the most stressful of events is to bring stability to any given situation.

I will leave the link here for anyone who is struggling with negative thoughts and emotions. If life is weighing on you I hope you can give a little free time to use this exercise and experience its power.

A father’s love is crucial to the wellbeing of his tribe. Don’t waist a second more in your struggles. The meditation will give you a new way to face the pressures of daily life.


Mental health screening for new dads. If you are a struggling dad, you need to read this

With ongoing public awareness of the increase in mental health problems in the U.K, and with frightening numbers of men committing suicide and growing campaigns for screening new dads. There is clearly a serious problem that needs to be addressed.

But what lies ahead in terms of help for those going into fatherhood who do choose to seek help for their problems? With little funding available for support groups the first port of call with depression is usually suggested to be the local GP. With a minimum waiting time of six months to speak to a professional, if you are suffering with depression or anxiety around the arrival of your child there will probably be little offer of anything more than drugs that can cause more problems in the long run.

Ironically there was a study funded by the pharmaceutical companies last year that concluded that more people who feel they may have depression should take antidepressants. But are medications that influence different chemicals in the brain to create a false sense of wellbeing really the only solution on offer? Sadly it seems that way.

You may be open enough to finding online support groups but then be overwhelmed in finding the experience of others walking the road you are facing as an expectant dad. The weight of the job ahead, and seeing that every parents situation is different, because every baby is not the same, can bring only more anxiety and fear. Many new dad’s feel alone with the pressures they face as all the focus is on mum, as it should be. Never the less, we face our own stresses and concerns. We can be closed books at the best of times, it can be difficult enough to reach out for help.

Men more than ever need to be present in the lives of their pregnant partners and newborn babies. Becoming overwhelmed by fears and anxieties during the pregnancy only adds extra pressure on a pregnant woman. An unstable emotional state in dad can bring problems and complications to mum’s health and that of the baby she is carrying. awareness of what is in front of us as new fathers is vital to the health of our families.

The solution to depression in expectant fathers needs to be solved – fast. Women cannot be left to face the pressures of early motherhood alone. We fathers need to be emotionally present for the event. Not disconnected and lost in thoughts and fears.

Depression is simply a symptom of suppressed fear and resentment. We have emotionally reacted to events in the stream of life and stuffed down the negativity we experience. Like our fears and concerns around parenthood. This negativity culminates and creates and internal conflict. Big events or small events it makes little difference. They both have the same ability to disrupt something within us. suppression then creates the feelings you cannot shake under the surface and the thoughts you struggle with.

When these conflicts take hold we lose consciousness. It’s as if we fall asleep to the world around us as our awareness becomes shadowed by negative thoughts and worries. Self pity and doubt takes the place of a natural intuition. The more we suppress our problems, the more disconnect we feel to the people and situations in front of us. The less we are able to face life with courage. There has to be a way to safely face the trials life. And there is.

Recovering from depression, wether lost in the fears around becoming a dad for the first time, or going into fatherhood already suffering years of conflict within yourself is not the arduous mountain climb you would expect it to be. All it takes is a return to consciousness. Back to a place of neutrality where you are able to be present, free from negative thoughts and emotions. To reawaken to the now. Where life is happening and you are needed more than ever.

Now this isn’t a sales pitch. The solution I point to is completely free and available to anyone. No matter how much you may be suffering

Non contemplative meditation is like no other exercise out there. Through a simple practice we can observe thoughts and emotions. In the meditative state, there comes the natural ability to observe negativity without becoming overwhelmed. As suppressed negative emotions are expelled, suddenly meeting stress is no longer the cause of suffering. Because without hanging on, and being affected by the emotional pull of the events we have to face each day, we begin to build resilience.

Courage replaces fear and we are free to become the men of support our partners need, and the fathers our children deserve to have as they begin their own journeys into this turbulent world.

Life is never going to be easy, but neither should it break us from the inside out. If you are in desperate need of help, here it is. You don’t need to suffer in silence.

You really don’t need to suffer at all.


The meditation

As a parent stress is inevitable. Demanding routines can seem relentless as we all face the pressures of daily life. It can be all to easy to become consumed by the agitation and anxieties that crop up throughout the day. And when those negative emotions start affecting those closest to us all sorts of problems arise.

As a someone who has overcome serious mental health problems and alcoholism, it is crucial that I remain emotionally consistent for my family. I do that by way of a unique Non contemplative meditation I found a good few years ago. This doesn’t mean I’m a perfect human being, I’m definitely not a parenting Guru. But I am improving. And life is about moving forward. I want to be the best man I can be for my children.

Now this isn’t a sales pitch. Nor I am telling you that this meditation is for you right now. It may not be. Only you will know if you are at a time in your life where you are open-minded to facing the pressures of life in a way you may never have done before. From a place of conscious awareness.

If you are up against the stresses of balancing work and home-life, or if you are a stay at home parent you will know what it is to feel overwhelmed occasionally by your situation. There’s no escaping the temptation to resent the cards we’ve been dealt with, only to suffer the emotional pull of guilt for feeling that way about the people we love. Parenting is an emotional rollercoaster. One that should strengthen us – rather than beat us down. The key to meeting stress lies in a very special meditation exercise.

Coming from a broken, unstable home, I know full well the effects growing up in a stressed environment can have on a child. It is why I feel it is so important to share this free meditation exercise with you. The link is below.

I am not a buddhist, nor do I associate to any religious organisations. I have no guru and I am not part of any cult groups. I do however have a faith, which was acquired through my own personal experience. I am simply a working man who has discovered a way to live consciously in the stream of life, free from emotional conflicts and free to be of use to those who rely on me the most.

By discovering the present moment and living consciously, I have also found a way to raise my family with the principles of love, patience and tolerance so my children can thrive in a relatively stress free environment.

Here’s the free meditation link


My Book ‘From triples to triplets: The making of a triplet dad’ is also available on Amazon.