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Triple trouble and discipline

I am by nature a calm patient man. And my approach to troublesome behaviour is the same. I may raise my voice at times but importantly it is not out of anger. And with 4 year old triplets discipline is a regular thing in our house.

Stacey and I discussed how we would discipline them before they were even born. We decided on a ‘don’t give in to terrorists’ approach. We new that our situation was going to be challenging so it was important that we got on the same page. Consistency was the way forward.

We worked hard together since they were born. And with Stacey a stay at home parent most of the discipline was down to her during the day. This has caused a few problems, down to me in that I’m a much softer touch. And the girls know it. And play me up at times.

Little monkeys

I have had to become conscious of this, and now that I don’t work afternoons I get more practice at it. When they’re naughty they get one warning then it’s the naughty corner for 4 minutes. Discipline this way has helped with their behaviour, we catch it before it gets out of hand. For the most they are good girls. They have their moments but the biggest problem we as parents have is dealing with the relentless structures of our days. Triplets, even well behaved ones are just hard work.

For me I can slip on the discipline when I’m tired from dealing with them. One warning goes to two warnings and within seconds they are calling the shots. I’m usually slipping by bath time. The end of the day they can be at their most trying and I’m most tired. Stacey msnages to stay on the ball with discipline throughout the day. I have some work to do in that area.

Discipline is an important part of raising kids. We cannot allow them to behave however they want. They need to learn respect towards each other and us. But as long as they give me the sad eyes and pouting bottom lip il probably continue to be the soft touch.

The cost of resentment

No man can bring stability under his roof who is infected with resentment/anger. It will spill into all of his relationships and ultimately it is his family that will suffer. The same goes for women who harbour secret resentments and judgment of others. It is the children that are affected most.

We all experience resentment at some level because we are human. But we are also spiritual beings and resentment is a spiritual force, fed by stress and negative thinking. It is inescapable, stress keeps coming day after day. The more we meet stress from an unconscious state the more resentment we experience. If you have ever lost your temper in a rage you have had a spiritual experience. Just not the good kind.

My father’s morphine addiction and suppressed anger towards his own upbringing destroyed our family and its ripples have continued ever since. He resented fatherhood and my brother and myself were unplanned and paid for his intolerance and resentment from the days we were born.

Since getting sober I have worked with many men and women who also suffered with resentment stemming from childhood. Some did not make it. Their anger ran too deep. And I understand how people pay the ultimate price. I grew up to have serious mental health disorders and it was all linked to the anger I harbored to my own father. His anger became mine and it had been passed down through generations of men in his family. I consider myself lucky to have recovered. To have ended the cycle.

Freedom from the darkness is possible

Becoming free from my anger took a spiritual awakening. An experience of light overcoming darkness from within. One way to get free from resentment is simple. All it takes is a commitment to non contemplative meditation. To allow light to enter and expell suppressed resentment. It is a spiritual liberation that changes everything around how we approach and observe emotions within us. It is a tool that can help us build resilience to stress. Therefore becoming unaffected by it.

The cost of resentment is the destruction of everything worthwhile in life. It is a dark spirit that wreaks havoc and destruction within a person and their relationships. Overcome suppressed anger and master resentment and life takes on a new meaning. We must be willing though to forgive and let go of that which is causing us harm.

Only then do we make a beginning

Ending anger and enduring fatherhood

Like me, you may have gone into fatherhood with no fatherly guidance. There was a sick spirit of anger that was carried forward through generations on my dads side. A spirit that stopped with me after a long battle with mental health and alcoholism.

It could easily have been a different story had I not been relieved of that same spirit. His resentment became my resentment and when I left home at 15 I was already infected with anger. A dark spirit that destroyed everything worthwhile in my life.

Deep down I hated life and drank as a solution to the internal conflicts I was experiencing. I was in no way fit to ever become a dad and for years that thought frightened me. It was one of the reasons that ended my first marriage. I was full of resentment and fear and unable to function as a normal person. I also suffered from borderline personality disorder, an illness characterised by unstable emotions and self harm.

It was only by getting sober at 36 that I became aware of the resentment I carried and got free of it through prayer and meditation. A spiritual practice that changed the course of my life. I was able to see with clarity the lineage of anger carried through generations of men in my family. If I was to change, it had to come from within. I had to let go of what was causing my own disastrous life. The cycle of anger and abuse had to stop with me.

Once free from anger I had to find a way to endure life without harbouring resentment and backsliding into selfish self centred behaviour. I had to completely change my path. I finally discovered a way to endure the pressures of life without becoming overwhelmed. I found this solution in conscious awareness. In practicing the spiritual principles of love and patience.

In being a father and a husband, finding a way to endure the trials of life is vital if we are to break the cycle of resentment and become the men our families need. I am in no way the perfect husband and father but I am willing to grow in the light. To endure the tough times and and be emotionally strong and available.

I have even got the symptoms of borderline personality disorder under control through a commitment to meditation. Although I have struggled emotionally at times with a chronic nerve pain condition I have still made the effort to sit still a few times a day and allow light in. To stay free from darkness. To be a changed man in grace and faith and I give thanks everyday that anger ended with me.

Spiritual growth and fatherhood

As men we have an objective with the arrival of children to support our families. To be men of emotional stability and that means a commitment to growth.

We cannot hang on to character defects that get in the way of our ability to grow as fathers. Parenting comes first and foremost. Our plans and schemes may have to be put on hold as we find our feet in fatherhood. We cannon be selfish, especially in the early day’s of parenting.

When I talk about spiritual growth I mean the principles that we try to live by. Principles such as love and patience that allow our families to thrive under our care. We have to put love at the centre of our homes.

A spirit of forgiveness can help keep relationships tended to in a positive way. We must endure the harder times with tolerance. A marriage is not always plain sailing as we begin the road of fatherhood. Children bring new stress to a partnership. Sometimes the strain can end a relationship. Having kids is tough in many ways, but it is also rewarding beyond words.

My daughters are 14 and 4. My relationship with them is solid. I do my best to work with my wife to stay on track with things like discipline. We have to read from the same page. I need to practice humility at times as a new parent. I have learned the ropes without any fatherly guidance. My relationship with my own father was strained as we were dragged in the wake of his ever deteriorating mental state. So I had to learn from scratch.

But the one thing I intuitively knew from the start of this journey, is that spiritual principles of tolerance and patience can be the foundation of a loving home. And I have been right. My family are growing in confidence and faith as a result of my ability to stay out of anger and fear.

Mastering resentment has given us a solid foundation to work from. We talk out problems as they arise, before they overwhelm us and I am teaching my girls what forgiveness is so that they too can live consciously. Dealing with stress in a positive way without harbouring negative emotions. I believe this to be one of the most important things I can pass on.

So I will stay on this path of spiritual growth. Outgrowing selfishness and fear so that I can be the best version of myself I can be. With faith and love as my guide I don’t believe I can go wrong.

The monster of addiction

If you follow this blog or have read my book you will know that I am a recovered alcoholic. Which means I no longer have the mental obsession to drink or drug. I have been freed from my alcoholic syndrome and live a meaningful life.

Alcoholism is usually on my radar as I work with chronic alcoholics and show them the same path out which I, and millions of others have taken over the last 80 years. And if you are inflicted with obsessive drinking please reach out. I’m happy to help.

I have recently been looking at my past and what made me cross the line into chronic alcoholism. Before then I was a hard drinker with mental health problems such as borderline personality disorder. I was a self harmer and crashed around in unhealthy relationships. The only real stable relationship I had up until now was to my previous wife, but I walked out on her as my need to drink became paramount.

Alcohol consumed me and led me down a hellish path of suicide ideation and mental health disorders. My first shot at sobriety was when I was 30. I was living in New Zealand and contemplating suicide. I had lost everything worthwhile in life and didn’t understand why I couldn’t quit the booze. I was full of self hatred and was racked with guilt. It was then, by meeting other Alcoholics that I began to understand the cause of my obsessive behaviours around drink.

Resentment was at the core of my drinking which itself was just a set of two symptoms, a mental obsession and a physical craving beyond my control when I started to drink. I had to somehow master resentment. It was another six years before I would find permanent sobriety and freedom from anger and fear. In those six years I went back down the path of mental health teams and anti-psycotics. Mentally unstable and emotionally bankrupt before I discovered a solution.

Resentment is the number one offender when it comes to addiction. Anger suppressed, whatever the cause or justification fills us with a spirit of darkness. We begin to lose our way in life as we grow ever more selfish and self centred. We become subject to the monster. In the end it owns us and the only relif we get from it is by drinking alcohol or abusing drugs. Eventually we cross the line to the point that no human power can save us. The solution has to be bigger than us and metaphysical in nature. Only light can drive out darkness.

I look back at my destructive past without fear of ever returning. My story has become useful when I comes to dealing with others who are locked in the dark. It is my most valued possession. More-so because I also know the way out.

If you are struggling with drink or drugs I can help you by showing you the way out. There is also a free meditation practice that will help you overcome the darkness by becoming aware of the light. Nothing has improved my life more than non contemplative meditation. It has given me the basis of faith on which my recovery stands.

I am grateful for the life I have now, no longer plagued with resentment and fear and building resilience to stress I have found a way into the light. And this solution is available to anyone who is willing to commit to a life of spiritual growth and to live under the principles of love and patience. Here is the link for the free meditation. It really is a life changer.

2021 Reflection

As a new year begins it’s a good time to reflect on the past twelve months. Not to fall into worry or elation, simply to see if I am living up to the principles that I set myself.

It’s been an up and down journey, some I have struggled with. Living with chronic pain has changed the way I parent. Trips out are depending on my pain levels on that day. It’s just another thing to factor into our days. For the most of it I have just wanted to rest at home. My part time job tires me out and with bouts of self pity I have sunk pretty low mentally.

I have experienced deppresion again, especially when I slipped two discs in my lower spine. I was off work once again and feeling the pressure of financial problems. But life is what it is. I have had to adapt to a new me and stay out of resentment in the process. Meditation and faith have kept me afloat. My wife never worries about me, she knows I always pull through.

We just celebrated 7 years of marriage

As for my family, they are thriving. Stacey is enjoying her volunteering, working with new mum’s. She loves babies and is a natural when It comes to dealing with them. And to our four girls there couldn’t be a greater mother. Her intuition blowes me away. I still follow her lead as a father, she knows how they tick.

The triplets are enjoying school which makes life easier, and it gave Stacey free time for the first time since they were born. They are growing as individuals now and have strong personalities. Ava is a real help and a mother hen to her sister’s, she’s a real mummies girl. Lacey is cheeky and has a wicked streak at times, she’s quite attached to me, if she’s upset she mostly wants dad hugs. Blakely is unique. She has a very different personality to her sister’s. She will happily play on her own and isn’t bothered who’s lap she parks herself on.

Frankie is a typical teenager who hides out in her bedroom. We do see her occasionally, like over Christmas. She is also doing well with her school work. She’s matured so much over this last year. I’m incredibly proud of her.

The stream of life keeps going and I do my best to navigate myself and my family through the stressful times. As dad it’s my job to bring strength and stability. If I’m doing my job everything falls into place under my roof.

I love being a family man. It’s the greatest gift a man could ever have. And it’s a privilege to be a father to my girls and a husband to my beautiful wife. I feel like I’m doing okay. We have a roof over our heads and food on the table. My girls want for nothing so in many ways I have only gratitude each day that I experience real love.

I’m a blessed man.

Happy new year

Wishing everyone the best for 2022. The stream of life will bring joy, pain, ups and downs, things that don’t make sense and things that will move us. Be awake to it, be present in every moment. You have an opportunity to learn from it all and be a light for those still lost in the darkness of themselves . Be patient, be tolerant, be kind to all. The toughest people I’ve met are those who love without reward and live without fear. We’re all here for a reason.


Happy new Year and God bless x

Merry Christmas

This has been a particularly challenging year on the parenting front aswell as the pain. But we made it. As a father l look back at the year with a sense of hope. In that my daughters are growing into confident and for the most, kind and caring little girls. I couldn’t be prouder.

The curly mops

Frankie has also done some serious growing up this year, she happy and enjoying her teenage years. My wife Stacey has had a busy year and is now a fully trained breastfeeding pier support worker. She works for a charity in our local area helping new mum’s out. She even organised a fund raiser recently. I am also proud of her and her efforts.

We have made to celebrate Christmas with Stacey’s family. It’s a busy house, especially with the triplets so excited about Christmas this year. They are still hard work, but we continue to rise above the challenges together. With love and patience at the centre of our home.

A natural mother

My hope for the new year is that we keep moving forward as a family. That we overcome the inevitable challenges and pressures that come with multiples. And I wish a merry Christmas to you. May your new year be filled with moments of love and joy. And that you get a little bit of what you want and all you need x


This week, after weeks of practicing at home our girl’s school class put on their nativity. We were interested to see how they reacted in front of a big audience. Thankfully they loved every minute.

Ava was a shepard, lacey an angel and little Blakely was a camel. They all sang beautifully and danced, all with confidence. They all played their parts with big smiles on their chops.


I am very proud of them all. It can be scary to perform in front of a lot of people.


It was lovely to see them so exited. They have been looking forward to it.


I love that schools still keep the tradition of the nativity alive. It is after all the true meaning of Christmas.

We have so many great memories of our girl’s already, the many milestones they have reached over the last four years. Their first nativity is something we will always remember.

They continue to learn at a fast pace. They enjoy school and learning and are always excited to show us what they have been up to during the day.

We were lucky we were able to attend the nativity with all the Covid-19 restrictions coming into place. Now we are just going to enjoy Christmas as a family. After the last year we have earned some joy. And for me I am praying for low pain day’s without any hospital visits or bad flare ups. My fingers are crossed.

I hope you are all getting into the Christmas spirit without too much stress. May you enjoy this time of year.

The weight

It feels like a while since I wrote a positive post. Between CPS flare ups, slipped discs and now a stomach bug I’ve been feeling the weight lately. I’m run down, tired and feeling out of sorts.

The triplets have also been ill with bugs and bad chests. They have been up throughout the night so Stacey and me are both overtired and in need of rest. Dealing with three ill little girls is never easy. They can be hard enough to deal with when they are fit and healthy.


But we are through the worst of it. I returned to work this week thankfully. My back is getting stronger everyday. I will soon be back to just dealing with CPS pain. I still find it hard at times to compute that I will be in pain for the rest of my life. Some days I’m more accepting of it than others. Some day’s it brings me to tears but I can’t let it overwhelm me, I just deal with a day at a time.

On the plus side we are looking forward to our annual trip to Stacey’s parents house for Christmas. We have our decorations up which always brings a sense of comfort to our home. Since becoming a dad I love Christmas, the joy and excitement it fills the girls with is priceless. They will be writing their letters to Santa this weekend. There is a real buzz around our house now.

I must remember that Christmas is a time of forgiveness and I need to let go of the frustration and anger I feel towards myself at times. There is nothing wrong with self care if ultimately it benefits another and I need to take care of myself in order to take care of my family. I’m tired of feeling the weight of bad health now. It’s time to pick myself up and get back to life.