Page 17 of 20

Love at the centre

For a home to become a thriving environment for everyone, there needs to be a spirit of love at the centre of it. That doesn’t mean it will be without stresses and tensions. But if the stresses and tensions are met properly, with patience and tolerance, everyone has a chance to grow.

The challenges facing new parents can be overwhelming at times. I don’t believe our marriage would have survived had I not been willing to outgrow my fears and stay out of self pity. Not an easy job when suffering from lack of sleep while my wife was adjusting to her new role. And me mine.

As men we need to be prepared to take a back seat in the early days. My wife was so focused on breastfeeding and taking care of the Babies, she had no time to hear of my worries and doubts. At times I felt on the outside looking in. It was tough. I had to work while my wife and mother in law took care of the triplets. Through tiredness and being unable meditate properly I began to resent that I couldn’t be at home. Doubts about our relationship and future began to creep in. Luckily I was able to just observe those negative thoughts without reacting to them.

As Dad, I had a very specific role. It is to remain consistent. My wife and I discussed this earlier. Women go through all sorts of physical and emotional upheavals. Hormones play a part in the moods and stress, as do their own fears and doubts. I had to be awake to that. I’ve said before that nothing she threw at me was personal, even if it was.

She told me one of the things that got her through was that she knew I was solid. That I could take the strain when she couldn’t. To baton down the hatches during the rough moments, instead of biting into the temptation to retaliate was the best thing I could have done. The last thing she would have needed was seeing me overwhelmed and over emotional. A woman needs to feel secure when she feels anything but at times. There are always opportunities to talk clearly after the storms.

I have to be focused on what I need to do. For the sake of the family they need me strong. My job is to practice patience and tolerance. When I’m calm, the house stays calm. My wife is happy and my daughters feel that.

Why bother writing?

Embarking on this blog was a decision made in sleep deprivation, Initially I was concerned I would forget the experience and wanted to document it. But what became apparent from day one of the discovery of triplets to this point, is that there is a very real problem.

A large percentage of families are not making it. Men, for the most are hit with all sorts of unspoken internal struggles with the experience of a pregnancy and arrival of a child. Yet there is little or no support, so men tend to suppress and push on while under the surface, fears and resentments remain unless faced.

Depression in men is a serious debilitating symptom. It is a problem that needs addressing for the wellbeing of a family. More fathers are coming forward now with what is being labelled PND . I’m a little wary of the labelling, simply because there is a danger of implying the depression was caused somehow by the child. And for a man suffering from unrecognised resentment, that anger can end up directed towards that child. The child is innocent, it is the improperly met stress of the situation that is the real problem.

No matter how many children are involved or on the way, fears and doubts can arise about our own inadequacies, these failings can add weight to the already real pressures of dealing with a pregnant, hormonal wife/partner, looming financial strains and the coming life changes.

Ten minutes after the dating scan, in discovering three heartbeats, we were told reduction (termination of one, or two of the growing lives) was an option. And then sent on our way with no landing equipment.

They did explain to my wife there was a local fb group for multiple Mum’s, I asked if there was anywhere I could find experience or advice. My enquiry was met with an apology. I was on my own. I had no one else’s experience of what may be coming.

I eventually found multiple groups, like ‘The multiple Dads sanctuary’ on fb. A community of men dedicated to becoming better Fathers. It was a way to meet other men who were living a high stress life with multiples. There is much support and advice to be found there. There are also other valuable triplet groups on fb.

Locally there is nothing for any expectant Dads. If you go into a pregnancy, already struggling with mental health worries, the waiting time to talk to a professional is over six months here in the UK. Unless you can afford private. I know this because I sought help myself.

The problem with writing about triplets is that everybody’s experience is different, I can never share beyond my own experience.

But there are guiding principles that men rarely seem to discuss that can ease any situation before it deteriorates. Those of love patience and tolerance. These basic principles are becoming lost.

I am not an expert Dad, or a perfect human being by any means. I have much to learn, but I have also gained insight over the years in dealing with my own mental health and working with others. My willingness to improve is everything to my family. I hope, that if you are struggling as a parent and have just discovered this blog, that you know there is always a solution.

There is a thread that runs through the experience of most men, whatever their pregnancy situation, that being the pressure, the internal conflicts and external damage they cause a home environment and relationship. Men need to discover a way to remain conscious and present. Out of anger and fear, without escaping to harmful solutions like alcohol or drugs.

I have suffered from, and recovered from many of the conflicts that men without guidance in their formative years have faced in my time. I understand their depression, it’s cause, and more importantly I’ve experienced it’s solution.

And because of that I know that there is hope. Hope for men like I once was, facing fatherhood, who cannot shake anger. I want to give hope for men who’s resentments may turn on them and disconnect them from the people they love.

So you won’t find promotions or advertising here, other than a link to my book. It’s not why I do it.

I take the time to write and share of myself, because there is hope a family can survive.

My book ‘From triples to triplets: The making of a triplet dad’, is now available on Amazon

8 Months in & blessed

Tomorrow the triplets will be 8 months old. I’m finding it more and more difficult to imagine how my life was before they arrived. It is as if every moment in my life led to the next, solely for the purpose of learning lessons, growing and evolving emotionally and spiritually to the point I was ready to be a Father. And although this was never planned. I was prepared for it.

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When I step back and process our life over the last year or so, the road has definitely narrowed in every sense. There is nothing outside of my work and babies at this point. And the best thing is that i don’t resent that, i feel in my element, finally serving a beautiful purpose. There was definitely a time when i would have done though. But the difference of my life lived with faith, is that when the unexpected happens, it is always a opportunity to outgrow fear and doubt, no matter how tough the road in view may seem. It is a opportunity to strengthen.

The girls are thriving, not just the triplets, also my wife and Frankie. I’m not going to say it’s been easy, and I have had to learn a few hard lessons myself. If I have ever painted myself as a man who never waivers, it was not intended, I would challenge any man to deal with a triplet pregnancy and birth and not feel the sting of fear occasionally. But as a family we have stuck together. We made vows to God when we married that we would support each other through the hard and tough times. We have manage to keep love at the centre of the chaos. And it feels like it in our home now.

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Frankie has had to deal with huge upheavals as a child, now at ten-year old she is beginning to deal with other pressures as she grows up. I’ve been aware that our relationship fell to the side a little since the arrival of the triplets. we used to have a bedtime routine of reading a story, saying our prayers and having little chats about things that were important.

Since the babies have moved into their own room we have began to have that time again. It’s incredibly important that we do. I’ve been showing her again, a way to not suppress the fears and worry she has been facing, and also been open about my failings with her over the last 8 months, that they were not at all down to her. But any impatience I displayed was down to feeling my own pressures at the situation. She is doing great, I’m so proud of her, she has a real strength, just like her Mum.

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Stacey is still producing milk for all three. And also cooking, and blending all their meals and desserts. She is a phenomenal Mum, with a huge capacity for love. The girls are eating with much enthusiasm and less mess now. The rate of development is steady and sure, all three have very different little personality traits and facial expressions. Lacey loves blowing bubbles, Ava kicks and shouts a lot, and Blakely can’t stop smiling, my heart still explodes when i hold them. Unconditional love is real, it cannot be put into words, it is a spiritual grace that bonds us.

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So it’s going as well as it can be i guess. We are all looking forward to the comimg spring as they love the outside, and to the next landmark of a year of their presence in our lives. It is an amazing path to be given, not one to be walked with anything but love. I wouldnt change a thing about my life right now. And for my family I am truly grateful.

My mental well-being & my babies

When I sit with the girls, and I see how crystal clear and awake they are right now, I see the most enlightened beings on earth. we all begin life this way, with a natural conscious connection to light. Free from anger, fear and judgment, before the pressures and corruption of the world get in.

It can become an overwhelming thought as to how much influence as a parent I have on their mental and spiritual well-being.

With a history of a few serious mental health problems, it was only normal during the pregnancy to experience a little fear rising around the possibility of one, or all of the triplets being affected somehow as a result of my genetic make up.

Thankfully I had already reached a point of understanding of the cause , and therefore my symptoms. There was always a little doubt though that I may pass something on.

I don’t believe I was born with the majority of what I’ve been treated, and medicated for over the decades. Despite what I have been told by well-meaning professionals. For example , for a long time I looked at my fathers depression as something that was passed on , by some kind of physiological brain wiring. It wasn’t. Depression itself is only a symptom.

I wasn’t born with an overwhelming compulsion to put alcohol in my system, as much as I wasn’t born with a personality disorder. As with my anxiety, paranoia and depression, I discovered they were all just symptoms of a single cause. Non of my symptoms were passed on biologically.

But there is something that is passed on through family lineages. From generation to generation, an unseen force causing many forms of physical and mental deterioration. And in order to understand the only way I could affect my children, I have to be aware of the instigator.

Resentment.

bitterness, frustration, hate, annoyance, envy, impatience, intolerance, jealousy through to fear, it is all the same thing from the same place. It is spiritual in nature and is at the heart of all symptoms like depression. It’s passed on through family’s and without a defence will continue to wreak havoc.

The problems really begin when resentment energy is suppressed.

You may have heard the saying ‘you could literally feel the tension’. Babies especially pick up on this unseen energy. If I’m agitated, my girls feel it. They can’t see it, but it’s there, and as real as light. It un-settles and upsets them. If I was to spend each day around them, responding negatively to stress. Eventually my anger would become theirs. They wouldn’t be able to escape it. I would set them on a destructive path.

Once on the road of suffering internal conflicts, it is incredibly hard to get off.

It is why medication fails to do anything much but create a false sense of wellness. Most people get worse under the surface. You cannot treat a spiritual problem with chemicals, no matter what the good doctor tells you. They only mask over what’s causing the damage. In order to recover from what is termed as depression, the cause needs to be met. Even talking cures rarely do anything to remove the problem, sure, talking is a good thing, it temporarily alleviates symptoms.

But if you’re heading towards a cliff in a car that you can’t stop, calling a therapist to discuss how it’s making you feel isn’t going to stop the car from going over. The car needs to be stopped. The cause needs to be addressed.

For example, an alcoholics real problem isn’t alcohol, drinking is a symptom. The cause of the compulsion to drink and inability to control the amount is driven by anger/resentment. As is the cause of all uncontrollable obsessive behaviours. They begin as distractions from the conflict of suppressing negative energy, it almost always begins at home. It is why the ability to forgive has to be discovered.

So if I am to give my children a chance at a healthy existence, free from damaging mental health issues. I have to keep a spirit of love in my home. It’s my job as Dad. That starts by being aware of my own temptation to respond with anger in stressful times. An over emotional parent will rock the stability of a child to damage point. I have a lifetime of vigilance ahead of me.

I will be watching my girls development closely over the coming years, as I believe the majority of their wellbeing will be in direct proportion to my own ability to remain conscious, and stay out of resentment. Patience, love and tolerance must be at the centre of my life.

33 weeks & 3 days

I have been known on occasion to miss the odd important date. Since becoming a triplet parent I have forgotten quite a few appointments and the like. For no other reason than I have three babies at home.

(Having triplets hasn’t affected us at all)

Yesterday I missed another one. A date that was incredibly important to my wife, so it is 4am, Blakely has just had a feed and gone back down, so here’s my opportunity to share this occasion. I’m not in too much trouble as the babies have been ill the last few weeks so attention has been focused on staying present with home and Work.

Yesterday was in-out day. If you’re not aware of what this is, it is the day the babies have been out of Mum’s belly, the exact same amount of days they spent in there before arrival.

Stacey , this is for you…..

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– There were three blessings added to our lives, of which we had no idea,

I could never imagined the struggle you faced, though I saw light beyond the fear

For 33 weeks and 3 days, of the emotional tides, we balanced on the wake,

I know the physical changes you endured, were too much at times to take

Only you know the pressure of carrying 4 heartbeats, with 30 fingers & 30 toes,

but to carry them with such strength and love, underneath the fear, grace flowed

You grew three healthy lives without fault, through the tears and pressures abound,

My love you have no idea how proud I am of the woman before me now.

33 weeks 3 days out

– I held your hand so tight that morning, I needed to be strong ,

Our three little birds entered the world to happiness, dance and song

Reunited on the outside for the first time this is true,

But a bond had grown between us, there was love inside they knew

From the hospital we were hurled into our new life,

and from the day they were born I re-discovered my wife

From fear rose a strength, one that humbles me,

To see you with my children is every reason I became me

You have endured for us so much, too much at times I know,

But the woman I love, my triplet Mama, there is a strength in you alone,

And without doubt as we face the light,

love that exists under our roof will hold tight

Never doubt the ability you hold,

We have four blessed children here

who each shine

with a bit of your soul.

Xxx

Past shame – A roadblock to love as a parent

I wrote A little post on social media this week about the backwards, damaging idea that if a boy is mean to a girl it means he likes her. After which my ego popped up and asked who I thought I was, having the right to remark about any questionable behaviours with a past like mine. what gives me the right to write about parenting. I was definitely not a saint.

Now I don’t imagine there is a man or woman out there who has landed the mighty task of parenting who hasn’t felt the nudge of shame and guilt for past mistakes along the way at some point.

I would never be so arrogant as to make light of the person I was before now. I became a violent, self centred drunk after decades of struggling with mental health symptoms. The most important person in my life was always me. I was fuelled by resentment and fear. I caused many harms to many people over the years. I have since cleared up where I can and no longer live with the conflicts and anger I carried.

My wife and daughters have never seen me take a drink, or lose my temper. But I am always aware of what is behind me, I don’t hide from it or shut the door on it. Which is why my life must be one of continual improvement. I cannot make excuses for my failings anymore. I am either moving forwards or backwards.

I used to fear becoming a parent because of my mistakes and resentments. There are also childhood memories that brought fear to the idea I could ever be a Dad that would do nothing more than damage.

I didn’t arrive at Fatherhood knowing how it would be or how I would cope emotionally. No one really does. I just knew I had to be an example. And that meant forgiving. Shame is nothing more than resentment directed inwards, and I didn’t want anger to become a wedge in my relationships with my girls. I had to stop judging myself. I need a moral compass to work from.

So do I have the right to step up and question the behaviours and lessons I see, and show my children the right path ? Absolutely, because otherwise they will just grow up to be victims of my excuses.

I don’t want my children to make the same mistakes I made, I know the outcomes. I have a responsibility to them, no matter what the path my life took to show them the difference between right from wrong. So if I see it, I have no problem calling it.

Because I was that boy that was mean to girls, and grew into a man that damaged others, and I’m aware of the harms I caused.

My failings as a man can be my greatest teachings as long as I’m willing to acknowledge them. My children deserve as much from me.

Children’s meditation in schools, more harm than good?

Your child comes home from school one day and tells you that they have started doing a group meditation. You probably answer ‘that’s nice’ and continue with whatever job is at hand. Most likely never giving it another thought.

Mainstream meditation exercises, or visualisation/distraction techniques presented as mindfulness are fast becoming a social trend. Mostly adopted from Eastern practices of mindfulness. We have seized upon these practices without much understanding or regard as to how helpful they actually are to children, or more to the point the serious ongoing problems they can potentially cause an individual already suffering from overthinking and stress.

‘No meditation practice is a toy, all have spiritual consequences’

We seem to live in a growing society of ready acceptance, without ever really questioning what is presented. ‘If someone sais it’s helpful , it must be helpful’. As was pointed out to me once, having an open mind is good. But not to the point my brains start falling out. Questioning things should be encouraged in children, and us adults alike. Not everything is as it looks on the outside.

Many schools are now using guided meditations to supposedly help the children relax and de-stress . And a lot of parents have absolutely no idea of the practice their children are partaking in.

I don’t buy that encouraging children to believe in the idea that fantasising away from reality is in some way a solution to worry. It isn’t. Why is avoidance with more thinking and suppressing negative emotions now seen as such a positive activity. One that our children should be taking part in without question.

When my daughter came home telling us about her meditation a couple of years ago I asked her to explain it. She described closing her eyes and visualising putting all her worry thoughts in a tree where they will be taken away. She also explained that it was a bit silly. Smart cookie.

What she described was a suppression technique. Suppressing negative thought for positive ones. Sounds harmless but the long term effects of suppressing negative emotions creates a boiling pot. Nothing is actually being dealt with, simply pushed aside.

My introduction to meditation was through dialectical behavioural therapy while undertaking treatment for borderline personality disorder. Most mental health treatments and programs also now use mindfulness at the core of their treatments. It was nothing more than a suppressing/distraction technique, just another way to avoid the actual problems I was experiencing. An exercise that brought a false sense of wellness, along with a buzz from the hypnotic effect caused by focusing on breathing and fantasising away from reality, while the underlying stresses continued to tax me physically and mentally.

All the while, something in me became addicted to the idea I could fix all my problems through my thinking. It was like a powerful narcotic.

Many children suffer from a lack of concentration, mostly caused by distraction and overthinking in an ever stimulating world. Any parent with a child suffering from ADHD will be fully aware of this. So to introduce a practice of distraction and more thinking to any child disguised as a helpful tool, is nothing short of backwards. It makes no sense.

‘There are many types of exercises termed meditation’

I’m not here to promote a ‘ mine is better than yours’ deal. That would be ridiculous and serve no purpose.

If you have read any of my other posts referring to stress, you’ll be aware I practice a meditation exercise. It’s the reason why my daughter Doesn’t join in the group exercise at her school. Mixing spiritual practices and principles will have consequences.

I passed it on to her a few years ago at her request. She was going through a stressful time and felt it would benefit her. My wife has also benefit from this practice.

The exercise is one of conscious awareness. It’s not about suppressing thoughts or clearing the mind to feel warm and fuzzy. Far from it. It is a practice of observing thoughts that pass through the mind. Good and bad without struggling with them. It is a way to meet stress without becoming overwhelmed by it. In the present moment. To be aware of negative emotions without becoming affected by them. Not to run from, or bury them.

Here’s the link If you are interested

https://schwarzhoffmedia.com/non-contemplative-meditation/

Meditation is a personal experience, one that should be approached with understanding.

So ask the questions, find out what’s being passed on to your children.with the growing rates of mental health issues in youngsters now, it may just save them a lot of problems in the long run.

An update on the little ladies

Our little chickens have arrived at seven months old. Just over five months adjusted. Much has changed this last month. New faces are being pulled by Ava, Lacey has mastered spitting, dribbling and blowing bubbles while humming to herself, all in the one single performance. Most impressive. And Blakely has figured out she can roll from her back to her belly with some sheer determination. She may be dinky but has a lot of strength, as well as the most warming gummy smile.

The move to their own room has continued to give us back a bite of normality. They remained settled, and are sleeping through without disturbances. 12 hours a night. That structure has given Stacey a chance to set a firm routine with them during the day. They nap in the morning and after lunch without any problems so far. So glad we stuck to the self soothing. It’s definitely payed off.

weaning is also going well. At lunch time they sit for fresh puréed veggies and fruit for dessert. All prepared by Stacey. She and Frankie made up a batch of different meals for them to keep frozen. A months worth at a time. So they are only getting pure ingredients. It can get a little messy but they really enjoy the meals. They are quick to adapt and to learn new skills. This week we have introduced another meal late afternoon, it keeps them content and makes the witching hour less of a witching hour before baths.

They got weighed this week and the health visitor is as pleased as ever with their development.

Ava 14lb 8oz

Lacey 14lb 1oz

Blakely 12lb 6oz

Teething is the only real upset with them at the moment. But doesn’t affect them at night which is a blessing for all of us.

I think it’s safe to say the dust has settled under our roof for the time being. There is a real rhythm to the routine now and the girls are thriving and content. We all know our jobs and the babies well enough to know their needs. We all know how to pacify each one and how to entertain them as they become more alert and awake to their surroundings and sounds.

Stacey has most definitely found her groove as a triplet Mum. Since the beginning of the year she is beaming with a new confidence. As she has said to me, although being a mum prior to the triplets this is a whole different deal. Finding the confidence to take care of them alone during the day is something that can only be gained by experience. I know myself how tough it is. There’s a focus needed and my wife most definitely has it. She is doing a remarkable job of an extraordinary situation. And she’s in her element with all her girls.

We also scrapped the single and twin pram and invested in a quad pram. It means now Stacey can get out the house with them on her own. With the weather improving it’s a nice break to be able to leave the house with them.

This year really feels like the start of a new chapter for us. The beginning of it all in a sense. There’s no longer the fear of how we’ll manage, or the stresses of last year to deal with. The babies are here and we’re getting on with it.

I’m a proud Dad. One of not many who gets to see the loving smiles of three healthy, beautiful bambinos each morning. I count my blessings and give thanks each day for the ever growing spirit of love in my home.

The new world of the multiple parent

I’m sure this is relevant for any new parent in many ways. It just happens I only have experience with three.

One day your bouncing along through life with a rough idea of the future your building with your family. There are the usual strains and stresses of a relationship, of Work life, finances, ever changing family dynamics and perhaps the plan of one more addition to the family, and the pressures that can cause.

I remember well how proud and exited I felt the morning of the positive pregnancy test result. After two years of trying, with the disappointment of the false positives and the added stress of our low chance of falling pregnant. It was perfectly timed. We had the new house with the room for a baby, If it was supposed to be, it was taken into consideration when we looked for our first home.

We spent a whole week in the wonderful mind frame of our new situation. We had a baby growing. Frankie was over the moon. We all were. Everything was set for us, it was a grateful time of relief for Stacey and joy for me. We even had the perfect little room for a nursery.

Then we had a dating scan and our world got turned upside down. Completely. Everything changed in that single moment of discovering three heartbeats.

It was no longer a joyous event, it was a game changer of epic proportions. The risks were all too real, as was the fear and uncertainty my wife was experiencing. Our path shifted completely and the only thing I could do was to trust my intuition. To hold on to my faith and trust what I saw.

I was completely wet behind the ears, had no idea what was involved, or how tough it could get. I just knew it was a miracle that was absolutely supposed to be.

Stacey was aware of my total lack of experience, She knew what was involved with one baby. She was also aware of the past I had and my inability to cope with life in general. Although a lot had changed with me prior to meeting Stacey it didn’t quash the fear she felt around me leaving her on her own. Walking out the door unable to cope. In my heart knew I wouldn’t. And I didn’t.

I’m a member of a couple of multiple Dad sites online. Each time an expectant father of twins or triplets or more introduces themselves with the many questions and concerns I’m reminded of the mammoth task he has coming. And how I felt at that time of overwhelming uncertainty and risks. It really does become a game of relationship survival in many respects. From the pregnancy, to the fortnightly scans, the preparation and the very present fear of failure that all parents experience. Fears that need to be watched.

The only real advice I can give any man facing the journey of multiples, is be prepared for constant change.

Expect to be consumed, because there becomes nothing else in your life that will require such attention. Your wife/partner will go through the emotional and physical wringer. She won’t be herself, maybe for a long time to come. As Dad you are the one to stay emotionally stable, even when it feels your coming apart. The family will need your presence, especially at the times you feel on the outside of it all. When she struggles and feels lost is when she needs you the most. When it feels she’s against you, watch your pride and know it’s nothing personal. Keep the lines of communication open.

And eventually things start to improve, sometimes with many steps backwards, as babies and Mum adjust. One day the sleep gets better and mentally you begin to feel back on track. And although you’ve only began on this journey, you will take a look under your roof and take stock of the situation. And see the results of the effort you put in to keep your family together. You will feel like you have been carried at times, by an unseen force and purpose through the toughest of nights and hardest of days.

And you’ll know in those moments of calm it is all possible. That you have all you need.

The greatest gift I can give my children

Becoming a Parent has been life-changing beyond explanation. New perspectives shine with clarity, and priorities shift to meet a new purpose.

There are also concerns for any expecting parents that arise concerning the world they are brought into. It is a mine field of corruption, dishonesty and temptation. It is also one of immense beauty, truth & light.A path of love, courage, tolerance and virtue is one I hope my girls remain on.

It is my role as their father to show them how to stay on that path. I hope from the many mistakes I have made in my life, I have at least something valuable to pass on. As It is those mistakes and failures as a human, once driven by resentment and a selfish spirit, that brought me crashing to a need to become a better man. Failure can become a great teacher in the absence of pride.

With rock bottom came my personal opportunity to begin to learn.It would be easy to make excuses for myself and my failings, rather than be willing to grow from them. Nor would it be much use to beat myself up continually for my mistakes. Resentment is just as bad when turned on oneself, it’s a trap that many never escape from. No one is perfect, but being entrusted as a father to four children and as a husband, there is much more of a need to move towards that ideal.

It’s a given that I will/do get things wrong.There is much as a parent that I can do to contribute to my children’s foundation, that will be the difference between them struggling through life, and effortlessly evolving with confidence, without being affected by the harsh realities of the world around them. I work hard to provide for them, to have a roof over our head, clothes to wear, and food on the table are needs my family require that must be provided by me. These are the basics. I want for them to have a good start in life. There are skills and knowledge we will pass on that will help them find their way in the world. There are also other financial commitments I will have to meet further down the road that will help them along.

But there is one thing that I can do that I believe is the greatest gift any Man can give his children. To show them how to forgive. To not resent the darkness in the world, or the mistakes and wrongs of others, or they themselves will make along the way. I will show them a way to let go of anger. Whether it’s towards another or themselves.

With the ability to let go comes a freedom. Without harbouring anger and it’s debilitating mental and physical symptoms, a human is free to thrive, unaffected by the stresses of the world. I want my children to have this opportunity.

I have a job to one day prepare them for life beyond the comforts of a protective home. I can think of nothing more important to the wellbeing of themselves and their future than the ability to live free from the crippling effects of resentment.

Life is stressful, it’s unavoidable.It is a natural gift I lived without for decades, my inability to meet stress without it overwhelming me became the cause of all my problems. My Father was never shown, or his path would have been different. My path in turn would have been different. I eventually had to forgive him. It wasn’t his fault. People who are overwhelmed with life and the problems they encounter stop being themselves, they do and say things from a place of fear.

My ten year old daughter understands this. She is rarely effected by any negativity that comes her way. Because she knows forgiveness, and can see the truth of others struggles. It’s a powerful discernment and one I will nurture in all of them.if love is the absence of hate, it’s my responsibility to show them this.