New shoes! A big milestone

After a week of illness we took the girls out to blow the cobwebs off and get them their first pair of shoes.

Now Ava and Lacey are both walking everywhere, the time came to get them fitted. Blakely is not far behind her sisters on the mobile front and we thought it may help them along a bit.

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The first of many shopping trips no doubt.

To be honest I’m amazed how far the trio have come on in their development, it was only this time last year we were still sleep deprived and the girls were still being breastfed. Now they are off in all directions and we need eyes in the backs of our heads to keep tabs on them. It’s literally like trying to herd cats!

Lacey picking shoes
“Don’t rush me Dad, il let you know when I find some I like”

Ava is definitely the most confident of the three when it comes to putting one foot in front of the other, And she absolutely loves the fact she can get around on her own now. She is little miss independent in every respect. On the Sunday we went to a Christmas carol service and afterwards she trotted halfway up the street holding Mum’s hand and beaming with pride. I love how exited they get about the small things. To them it’s all great big achievements.

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Ava quite liking this style

Blakely is also benefitting from shoes as her little feet don’t quite sit flat, she now stands much better in them, and she got pink one’s so she’s made up! She does toddle about the sofa and is not far from standing unaided, but she’s in no rush. She’ll get there when she’s ready.

Blakely fitting
Little chicken happy with the pink one’s

So begins a new chapter, of chasing babies around all over the house. We are looking forward to Christmas this year though. A long break away at Grandma’s house with loads of room for them to go mad in. And a chance for Stacey Frankie and me to relax a bit.

 

Ear infections & the edge of insanity

On thursday morning daylight finally arrived, my wife in tears and with a few rolling down my face we sat waiting for the doctor to call. Both almost broken from sheer exhaustion. Blakely still clinging to me crying in pain as she had been most of the night and Lacey & Ava the same. The screaming hour after hour was relentless. I felt horrible that I couldn’t just take their pain away.

Staying awake all night in the early days to do the feeds brought a different type of tiredness. There was quiet in those moments. But this week has taken a toll. Being up the entire night with three babies in pain this week had left us emotionally drained. I’m talking frazzled!

A visit to the doctors confirmed that Lacey and Blakely both had nasty ear infections, and Ava was suffering from a virus. There have been moments when my wife and I look at each other and joke how much easier one baby would be to deal with. This week that comments arisen more than once. Thankfully now with the right meds they are much more settled.

Obviously it’s going to happen from time to time. And unfortunately for us there is no way out other than to try to comfort all three to the best of our ability and with as much patience and tolerance as we can find.

As for the rough times with triplets, I wouldn’t wish them on anybody. Because sometimes with three babies it’s just hard – really f*cking hard.

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Back from the doc’s after another long night

I’m never wrong!

As a recovered alcoholic I know what it is to defend, rationalise and justify my own mistakes. There was a time I would rather die than admit I was wrong – about anything.
It’s a prideful spirit that refuses to see past honesty in oneself. And I carried that spirit through fear and bitterness for many years.

In becoming a parent it was a spirit that didn’t have a place in my home. If I continued to refuse to take responsibility for my mistakes my children would grow up in my dishonesty. They too would learn that it’s bad to be wrong, rather than have the courage to admit fault from time to time.

We all know that person in our lives, maybe at work, maybe at home who refuses to hold their hand up when the light of truth is shone on them. It creates frustration and a distrust. They can drive us nut’s. Yet they refuse to admit there is a problem. Forgive them by not being angry, they are full of fear and something has caused them to be that way.

As a child I became that person from an early age. I would lie because I didn’t want to get in trouble with my dad. I would lie because I didn’t want to look stupid to my friends, I would lie because I was frightened. And eventually I lied because that’s just how I coped with my inferiority.

There are many things that had to drastically change when I became a parent. Behaviours that if ignored and allowed to continue would affect those closest to me.

I want my children to trust me, and see that it’s okay to be wrong from time to time. That there is nothing weak in having a humility, in fact – quite the opposite. It is how they will grow in a healthy environment. After all if we were never wrong, we would never evolve. Growth comes from making mistakes. And as a parent I will inevitably make many down the line. And that’s just how it will be.

 

 

A little message to all new parents

My wife was out with the trio yesterday and bumped into another Mum with twins. They got talking and the conversation turned to the unwanted comments that are unavoidable and create doubt. I remember well this time last year struggling with sleep deprivation and being told constantly by other parents that it was only going to get harder, Gee thanks!

Having being blasted into parenthood with three newborns, and also being in the place we are now with them. I would like to tell you a secret you may not know if you are a new parent adjusting to life with one, two, three, four or even five babies demanding your every moments care and attention.

It gets easier. Because you will adjust and get stronger.

I know I tend to write concerning the more trying aspects of coping with the pressures of life with multiples. Because I believe it is where I can be of most use to others with the life experience I have in dealing with stress. But I also want to let you know that if you are sat in the dark with a relentless routine that there is hope, and that life will improve. There were many fears and doubts rising in the early days that looking back were nothing to be concerned about.

Our house is still too small, yet we have made it work for us. We have had to both overcome dealing with the pressures we face together as a couple. Yet we have found a way. We both still struggle with tiredness when the babies are ill. But now it’s easier to deal with as we know from experience it isn’t permanent and the fun times will return shortly and teething hasn’t been the nightmare many folks liked to scare me with. And as the babies grow and develop together they are definitely fun to be around as they entertain themselves.

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Some days can feel like an uphill struggle, especially for my wife while I’m at work but she now deals with home life consciously. She is an amazing woman for all she gives to this family. I still take over when I’m home each day and at the weekends, it’s my duty and I love my time with the trio. It is not a chore that I resent in any way.

I’ve discovered that the only thing that can cause doubt about what’s in front of me are the fears and doubts that crop up within myself. Not those from other people. Only a father of triplets can relate to my situation. No one else has any authority to comment, so now it’s easy to brush off the remarks that are made seemingly only to fear monger, Folks tend to comments from their own experiences. Which may have left them bitter about parenthood. So forgive them. Or simply return a ridiculous comment as my wife has now become the master of.

And remember what you have achieved to bring life into this world has granted you super-power status. If you are dealing with multiples it’s because something in this universe believes you have what it takes to do it. You are a chosen one. So have faith in that knowledge and faith in your intuition as a parent. because no amount of silly comments can take that away from you.

 

 

 

 

The futile struggle with stress

I once believed I had the power within me to deal with everything that came my way. From my experiences with life and the size of the ego I had, it was what I had to do to get by, be the man with all the answers. As problems surmounted in the stream of life, the more overwhelmed I gradually became. And the more pressure I felt to deal with my problems the harder I fought.

I can only speak for myself but I had a big problem in the face of my struggles. In that I didn’t ever want to admit that I was finding life hard. To me it was a sign of weakness. This prideful – ego driven attitude only pushed me further into conflict with myself. No man likes to admit defeat, especially within himself. The only relief came from distracting myself from my problems. Yet nothing ever got resolved.

I remained on a roundabout for years; battling with my problems. Unwilling to sit still and be honest with myself and others as the ripples of my conflicts affected everyone around me.

I resented that I was struggling to cope. And that the more I struggled the worse my problems seem to get.

Life is supposed to be challenging, we cannot avoid stressful situations and people who bring emotional upset our way. All these events we face daily, bring with them a temptation to react. And each time we do we are pulled into an emotional struggle of resenting and judging within ourselves. I have found since becoming a parent to triplets the pressures are relentless, and I cannot allow myself to get pulled under constantly by rising negative emotions. The weight that would put on my family would be too much for them to carry.

In the past I struggled with ,my depression, my alcoholism, my anxiety, my mental health, my addictions, my negative thinking and all of my personal relationships. It was an exhausting existence fighting to deal with all of that under the surface and try to look outwardly okay (believe me, most of the time I didn’t).

I discovered there is a simple solution to becoming overwhelmed with life pressures. And it is not to struggle. Or to fight, or to assert any willful effort at all to personally resolve any conflicts I was experiencing. The answer was to do nothing. Just sit still and do absolutely nothing. To simply wake up and become conscious through this very special metaphysical exercise.

If you are willing to meditate using this unique Non contemplative meditation you will almost instantly discover the solution to dealing with stress. You will also discover what has been causing your inability to manage.

And the solution lies in the present moment. In the ability to just watch the temptation to struggle from the meditative state.

This is how to get there……….

 

https://schwarzhoffmedia.com/non-contemplative-meditation/

 

 

 

 

Battle Royale

Over the last few weeks there has been a big change in developments with the triplets growth and the way they interact with each other. Whereas before they would be mostly content to play together, it would seem they are becoming a lot more jealous and aggressive with each other.

For us as parents, especially my wife it is making the days more stressful. If one comes over for a hug, the other two will make their way over and it becomes an all out scrap for attention. Lacey has figured out that headbutting and pushing over is a more effective way of eliminating her opponents rather than hitting them on the heads with whatever is at hand. Don’t get me wrong there are still times they play and share together, it’s just less frequent now.

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Ava has began taking her first steps which is encouraging the other two to do the same. Blakely is further ahead with her vocabulary than Ava and Lacey. But all in all they are developing well.

As for communication, the girls have developed their own language. The health visitor explained they may take longer to develop real words and speech as they have no reason to learn words from us. They are quite happy to chat in the language they have. It’s funny to sit and listen to babbling and laughing with each other and occasionally wander over to sit and tell us stories with all the animated faces and arm and hand movements. We just agree, because whatever they are telling us is obviously important.

So as the home becomes more of a wrestling arena we just have to do our best to calm and gently start to discipline them, because if we let them carry on regardless we are going to end up with a gang situation in our home. My wife, Frankie and I against the force that is the triplets. And what a nightmare that would be!

 

Relentless

There are many ways to describe parenting. Relentless is just one of them. Becoming a parent to triplets is consuming. There is little or no life beyond work and caring for three dependant babies.

There has been no social life outside of the home since their arrival. My wife and I almost live in a bubble now. Of late the girls have all been through an illness which threw us back into sleep deprivation and served as a stark reminder of how tough this job can be at times.

Amongst the trials of parenting and home relationships it can be easy to feel isolated from a world beyond our home. There is always a temptation to resent our situation. Which is why it is so important that we work together as a family to pull through the lows we all experience.

Right now the girls are 16 months old, and the gravity of the change in our lives has been immense. Yet we still manage, because every child needs to thrive in a loving environment with stability from the two people who influence them the most. It is this knowledge that I  remain conscious of daily.

I can confirm that it doesn’t get easier. What happens is that my wife and I just adapt to the momentum and changes life with multiples bring.

And above it all the triplets are happy content babies. Which is a reminder through the harder times that we are achieving the ideal we work towards. To bring them up in a loving home, relatively free from stress where they are free to develop with confidence and strength. And they amaze us each and everyday

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The Book

Early this year I felt compelled to make a start on a book. As I have discovered having children is an incredibly stressful event, however many babies are involved.

I decided not to write a parenting manual. There are plenty of those on offer. So I decided to write something different, from my personal experience. To document my journey and offer a solution to meeting the pressures of life as a parent. To show there is a way to consciously meet the rising negative emotions in life and parenthood that will positively affect our children. The book is different to this blog.

I have had my eyes open to reality that many families are not making it. therefore I believe what I have written is an important undertaking.

I know I haven’t posted for a while, but I am currently working with an editor. It is a bigger job than I imagined. I want to put out the best work I can. So thankyou for your patience and I will be back with updates on home life soon. Which as you would expect is hectic….very very hectic.

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Frankie – an interview with big sister

Life is different for all of us since the arrival of the trio. The changes that happened over night have affected us all in different ways as a family. And how we work and find time for each other.

For Frankie, as she now approaches her Eleventh birthday, she has been nudged somewhat from the spotlight, as the demands of the triplets consume most of our time. Life now revolves around them. Yet she has adapted amazingly well over the last year. Although not obliged to help out she is alway’s happy to help with her sisters.

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As  parents we both had obvious concerns as to what the impact would be on Frankie. As an only sibling, having to make way for three more in one go it could have become a troublesome situation with ongoing issues. But we needn’t had worried. We are both incredibly proud of the maturity and understanding she has shown towards the changes.

We have been meaning to do this post for a while. To give Frankie’s experience, straight from the horse’s mouth as it were. In doing so she thought it may help other children with brothers or sisters arriving, know that it’s going to be okay.

Here are Ten question’s I put to her –

What was it like for you before the babies arrived ?

F –  Quiet. It wasn’t invaded with baby stuff. We used to be able to watch a film together every Sunday. And we used to go to the park every weekend.

What was it like finding out you were to be a big sister to triplets ?

F – Traumatic. It was a big shock. But once I got over the shock it was a bit exciting.

Did it worry you that they would take all the attention ?

F – Yes. because I thought that when friends came to play they would want to just see the triplets and not play with me.

And has it been like that ?

F – Sometimes.

How did you cope with that ?

F – I think they’ll just get bored with them after while because their babies and they can’t play much anyway.

How much has life changed ?

F – A lot. It’s changed because I used to be an only child and the house has been overtaken with babies and baby stuff. And before they were born we got to do more together as a family, like get out the house more.

What is the most annoying thing about having three little sisters ?

F – That they take all the attention from you and Mummy.

What has been the hardest change for you ?

F – Getting used to having three sisters. Because I thought I was only having one brother or sister, and I found out I was having triplets.

What has been the most fun ?

F – Having triplets, playing with them, bath time and looking after them. They are lots of fun.

Have Mum and me changed ?

F – Yes, You’ve changed in the way that you get tired from the babies and sometimes get frustrated, but you can’t help being tired when you are getting up in the night.

What could we do better ?

F – Nothing really, you can’t help being tired.

What advice would you give to any children worried about the arrival of more babies in their family ?

F – I’d say there’s nothing to be worried about, because once they’re born you’ll have so much fun. Especially when they start to get older and communicate and talk and play with you. And they won’t annoy you as much as one baby would, because they have each other.

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Three ‘tuned-in’ monkeys

It’s 1.30am, I wake up to the sound of Ava giggling through the monitor. Her giggling is followed by squeaking and babbling from another awake baby. Within seconds all three are wide awake, chatting and giggling away in the dark of their room.

This goes on for around half an hour before suddenly they go quiet. And as fast as they woke up – they are back to sleep.

It happens occasionally, maybe more than we know. My wife has also heard them having a midnight mothers meeting. They are now frequently communicating, and God only knows what they are planning. My guess is the best way to get over the stair gate and up the stairs. These babies are on a constant mission.

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The girls are at a stage in their development where interaction with each other is constant, especially now they are crawling together. They are like a cub-pack following each other around. And if one’s crawling in front, they will always stop to check the other two are following behind them. No one gets left behind.

They share toys, and share babbling conversations ,which obviously means something to them. They also play peekaboo with each other. If Ava or Lacey is lying on the floor tired, Blakely sit next to them and stroke them while saying – “aaaah”. These babies are funny to watch. Blakely also washes her sisters in the bath. She’s very caring. They all are.

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It’s wonderful that they are growing and sharing together. They are a right little bunch of monkeys who seem to be completely in tune with each other. All very intelligent as they are mischievous.

I’ll leave you with a quick development update –

Ava and Lacey are walking with a stroller

Blakely has figured out her whole finger fits up her nose.