How exactly is this done?
Before Frankie I had little experience of parenting, especially with any regard to what was involved, or the responsibility that comes with that role. Not to go into too much detail but I am a recovered alcoholic and addict. There was the occasional relationship where talk of babies on the horizon came to the surface. Drunk i loved the idea of having children fetch my beers and learn a few riffs on the guitar that I could be proud of. Sober I couldn’t have felt different.
The thought of having children terrified me. It was a potential nightmare I had somehow avoided. My own Father had a lot of personal problems caused by his dysfunctional upbringing, I now understand his distance from me and inability to be close as a result of his experience.
He never wanted children and I understand that. He was addicted to prescribed morphine, enjoyed a drink and it seemed didn’t like me so much. the Apple didn’t fall too far from the tree as I wandered into the world. I was frightened my fear and anger would be passed onto any offspring I may bring into the world. I had developed some quite severe mental health problems over the years that some said may have been genetic. I just didn’t fancy any real prospect of fatherhood. I was far too irresponsible, self-centred and selfish.
Five years ago I finally got sober. I also recovered from most of my mental health problems, in the process many of my fears, and the anger I harboured towards pretty much everything and everyone left me.
By the time I met Stacey and Frankie my lifestyle and perceptions on life had changed dramatically. I felt for the first time in my existence I actually had something to offer in a relationship, instead of working out what i could take. Life was becoming more about what I could bring to it. I’ve discovered it’s a main ingredient to being a parent.
Through my own sometimes very painful recovery I learned a few things about human nature and the spiritual aspects of it , I also discovered the importance of practicing honesty, patience and tolerance of others.
I know the importance of humility when I’m wrong, and that its okay to make mistakes as long as I am willing to improve.
I figured that if I could practice the things my father, through no fault of his own was incapable of bringing to a family home, to not react with anger or bitterness when stressed in the stream of life, If I could try to be less of an emotional disaster around those under my roof who rely on my consistency and strength. To outgrow my self-centred fears and be everything I never was before I could bring a spirit of love to those I care about. I could be a real Father, and a real husband.
Though I make many mistakes, sometimes daily , Things are always improving , the willingness to grow and learn is enough to make a beginning ……….
maybe this is how it’s done