Fatherhood is a tough gig. We deal with stress daily and these pressures can take their toll on us. And without a way to deal with stress it gets taken it out on the wife/partner and sadly the kids. They walk on eggshells around the man of the house who should be an example of emotional stability. Instead he becomes an over emotional wreck. Ground down by the world around him.
It happened to me when the triplets came home from the hospital. Trying to stay awake doing a dangerous, physical job during the day then dealing with the babies most of the night whilst my wife breastfed them. I had to stay awake for the feeds to keep my wife from falling asleep with a baby on her, which could have been dangerous. I was shattered and unprepared for the reality of early fatherhood.
Thankfully I snapped out of it when I saw a flash of anger in me. I knew something had to give. I knew that a calm house was needed for my wife to produce milk and for my daughters to thrive. Children who grow up around anger become infected with it. It creates stress in them which can cause health problems and eventually will set them on the same destructive path that the parents have taken. No one can survive anger
From the beginning of the pregnancy I knew that I had to be a stable force in my families life. Aswell as a heavily stressed out wife I had to deal with a stressed out step daughter. Neither of them wanted the triplets. My wife didn’t bond at all and was crushed with depression for the whole pregnancy. My job was to not retaliate when she got angry at me. I had to show her I meant business with the trio that were taking over her body. I stayed conscious of my own rising emotions and through meditation I stayed neutral to them. I didn’t get overwhelmed with our situation or the mental and financial strain I knew it was going to take on us.
When I got sober a decade ago I adopted the spiritual principles of love, patience and tolerance. I discovered a supernatural solution to my anger problem through non contemplative meditation. It was a way to access an inner light that would bring protection against the external forces of resentment. I got free from anger (yes, I typed that correctly). And I mastered resentment through practicing conscious awareness. During my marriage my wife can only recollect me getting angry once. And it was during a heated conversation with my brother at a time my mother was in hospital with cancer. We were all experience stress at that time.
For the most I dealt with the pressures of life with grace. Unmoved by emotions and providing financially and emotionally for my family. And it worked. Patience and tolerance became my ‘watch’ words. So I knew when the triplets came into our lives what to do. Apart from a wobble when they first came home, I have practiced patience and tolerance with them. I rarely raise my voice, and I never do it with anger. There is a way to discipline with love and sometimes a raised voice from a place of love is a powerful thing. And it’s needed in dealing with three 5 year olds who constantly bounce off each other.
I firmly believe that love, patience, tolerance and a willingness to forgive under a mans roof can allow a man to be guiding force of good for his family. All it takes is a wanting to change. To become a man who grows in those spiritual principles. With faith at the centre of his life, no longer driven by emotions and sharpening from stress as a man should. We all have the ability to live this peaceful existence.