A mental health post. 2min read.
It’s a condition they say can never be cured. But it is possible for symptoms to go into remission. And that for many of us is the path back to life.
If you are aware of the traumatic causes of BPD, you’ll understand what an internally painful disorder it is to live with. Characterised by intense, unstable emotions, self harming behaviours, destructive, dangerous addictions, intense personal relationships, and suicide ideation. It isn’t a disorder that can be fixed overnight. For many, they suffer the symptoms for a lifetime.
To give you an idea of the seriousness of BPD. 75% of suffers have had one or more suicide attempts. 1 in 10 people diagnosed with BPD will die by suicide, and BPD has a suicide rate 400 times higher than the national average. It gives you an idea of what a disturbing disorder it is to live with.
It takes a commitment to want to improve and seek ways to make that happen. And when you’re locked into a cycle of destructive thinking and behaviours, it seems like an impossible task. But it can be overcome.
I was first diagnosed in a drying out clinic for alcohol abuse age 30. It was late in life, but I fit the criteri. It explained the entirety of my destructive teenage years and why I felt so utterly out of control. A few years later, I accepted treatment by way of dialectical behavioural therapy. It entailed 18 greulling months of group and one-on-one therapy. With the end aim, to be strong enough mentally to discuss and deal with the childhood trauma. Which I opted out of. I wasn’t ready for that!
I continued on a path of alcoholism and anti-psycotic medications after therapy. I had learned the workings of my mind, but it wasn’t enough to bring me any real sense of emotional stability. And my alcoholism would stop any chance of wellness. I was heading for an early grave. Suffering from suicide ideation and full of anxiety and resentment that alcohol and pills brought the only real relief from.
Finally, after 22 years years of alcohol abuse, I committed to a spiritual program of abstinence. There, I came to learn the underlying cause of my drinking.
I also made the decision to put all my eggs in one basket as far as my mental health diagnosis went. If I could recover from destructive, obsessive drinking through spiritual means, perhaps I could also recover from my mental health issues through the same channel. Maybe the power that brings alcoholics back from the gates of death could also bring me mental stability. After all, I had tried and failed in every other avenue of help, so it was worth a shot.
Although DBT didn’t change much. It did get me interested in meditation. Which, incidentally, was an intrinsic part of my sobriety going forward. I chose a spiritual path, adopting the principles of patience, love, and tolerance. And whilst recovering from alcoholism had a deep spiritual experience that expelled suppressed anger and resentment. My obsession to drink was lifted, never to have returned. But something else happened in that moment.
With the expulsion of anger, I was left with a sense of peace, unlike anything I had ever experienced. Over the following weeks, after committing to daily meditation, my emotions began to regulate. I knew from then on I had discovered a way to live that would allow me to become an observer of thoughts and emotions rather than being constantly dragged in and overwhelmed by them. It was an incredible time in my life. I had stumbled across a game-changing practice, and it was beyond simple to do.
I soon became free from the medications, the anti-psycotics, and anti depressants. I was set on a path of emotional recovery. Free from crippling obsessions and able to face life with a new perspective.
It hasn’t always been an easy road. Extreme stress has wobbled me at times, namely the arrival of the triplets, then developing CPS and neuralgia, but for the most part, I have improved. I still experience destructive thoughts. I don’t think they will ever stop generating from the darkness, but I now have protection by way of light. And in being awake in the light of conscious awareness, my thoughts have no hold on me. They have become, just thoughts. The meditative state brings all the mental and spiritual resilience I need to stay in remission from a hellish condition.
So if this is a disorder you, or someone you know suffers from. And if there is a willingness to approach recovery from a different angle. I will, as always, leave the link to the meditation practice that has brought me so much relief from the disorder of my thoughts and emotions, that has given me a stability beyond anything I could have imagined was possible.
Please know that wellness is possible. Regardless of what anyone might tell you. There is always hope, even in the darkest of places.
Triplet Dad 
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