I get asked a lot by other men how the heck I do it? They take a look at the three kids and are baffled as to how I function as a dad to triplets. They’ll say “i have enough trouble with one”. And I don’t doubt that. Kids are hard work – full stop.
There are times I wonder this question myself, especially when my CPS is flaring and I’m struggling myself to get through a day. But it all comes down to three thing’s – patience, tolerance and a commitment to fatherhood. I have a job to do, and it is the most important job I will ever have in this lifetime.
It would be easy for me to resent my situation, it is tiring and stressful. Especially at the age the girls are now. They are going through the tantrums, backchat and ignoring us stage, just to see what they can get away with. It’s a normal phase of their development, still we find ourselves constantly disciplining them. It can be exhausting, simply because there are three of them going through the same things.
I felt committed as a father when I married Stacey and became a step dad to Frankie. Then right from the first scan when we discovered my wife was pregnant with triplets, my path was cemented. I was to be a father. A lifetime of parenting (and grand-parenting) was ahead of me, with all the drama and stress that came with that role.
And it hasn’t disappointed so far. The last five years it feels as though all we’ve had is stress and drama, and that’s without my personal health issues. But chronic pain aside I look back at how I’ve managed to make it and I believe I have done a good job so far. So how do I do it? I only have one answer. I do it consciously.
Since recovering from alcoholism 9 years ago I began practicing a simple, free meditation exersise. Every morning before the kids wake up I sit still for 10 minutes and pull back from the negative chatter in my mind. I wake up, and the meditative state sets me up for the day to stay free from rising anger, fear and frustration. Because I meditate this way I rarely suffer from anxiety because I am less affected by resentment.
It’s that simple. There is nothing more I need to do to stay emotionally stable as a father than to practice conscious awareness each day. It doesn’t mean life becomes a fluffy breeze – hell no! Life is tough and the temptation to bite into anger or frustration in the stream of life is very real. Half an hour with a screaming kid will confirm this.
But we can at least give ourselves a chance.