We all know the scenario. We are tired and the kids are playing up and screaming. They have been all day. They are not as they are told and your getting to the end of your rope. Your stress levels are rising along with frustration and anger. It’s at that point that how we react matters.
As someone with a past anger problem (I have borderline personality disorder). I would not have been able to contain my rising negative emotions. I would have snapped with frustration and anger, making a bad situation worse. Remember, children sense stress from us. It affects them on an unseen level.
Reacting out of anger never helps. Screaming may get results but it is also evidence that you have lost control. And children will learn thats how stressful situations are controlled. By losing their tempers. They watch us closely, we are there biggest influences
I believe there is a healthier way to deal with stressed out, fighting children. I’m not suggesting we do nothing or turn a blind eye to a stressful situation, or unruly kids. But there is a way to meet stress with grace and authority, without acting with the same behaviour you are trying to discipline them for.
Raising children takes patience. Personally I found a solution to stress a good few years ago by way of non contemplative meditation. And since mastering resentment I haven’t lost my temper in a long while. I found a way to deal with the stressful events without emotions dragging me in. I’m not the perfect parent but when it come to anger I no longer bite.
There are times I raise my voice and break up flights but I do it from a place of conscious awareness. Underneath I stay calm and don’t lose my cool. For example, when Frankie was much younger, she was having a hysterical tantrum and screaming at me. I turned to Stacey and said that I’m not angry but I’m about to raise my voice. And I did, and Frankie has never screamed at me again. So it’s possible to raise your voice and maintain authority. The minute we lose our cool we lose all authority, we cannot be respected and children will grow to resent us.
If you are someone who is quick to anger and want to approach discipline from a less stressful position give this meditation a shot. Just 10 minutes – x3 times a day and you will naturally begin dealing with stress in a way that is beneficial to you and your child. You will find a new patience that your children will grow to respect.
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