I never imagined myself as a father. I always felt i was too damaged and too irresponsible to take on that role. With all my mental health issues and destructive obsessive behaviours, being a dad was the last thing on my mind. But then I got sober and met Stacey.
I knew she had a 5 year old daughter who had lost her dad to suicide when she was three. I knew that by staying with Stacey I would have two relationships to deal with but I felt ready to take on the responsibility. I knew in my heart that I was done drinking and that I knew I could step up to the table.
Shortly after Stacey and I met she asked, just out of curiosity if I wanted kids of my own. My first answer was no. That Frankie was enough and that my relationship with her was more important to me than adding any new members to our family.
But as time went on, the more Stacey asked me if I wanted a baby the idea grew on me. I thought it would be good for Frankie to have a sibling. And the idea also grew on Frankie. So we began trying after our wedding and were met with failure with each false positive result. We tried for two years before Stacey fell pregnant with triplets. Just before we were planning on going down the fertility treatment road. And the rest is history.
Becoming a dad has been a journey of massive responsibility. I have had to practice patience and above all be present in my daughters lives. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life. And it has also been a journey of shedding fears about whether or not I could be a responsible parent. I have taken it day by day and by putting the principles of love and tolerance at the centre of my life it seems I’m doing fatherhood well and without fear. Something of myself I never thought possible.
I threw myself into parenting and have wonderful relationships with each of my daughters. And with Stacey and I supporting each other to make the load lighter we are managing well.
In becoming a dad I have been given the chance to raise my family the way my father never did. And I enjoy almost every day of the insanity of parenting 4 daughters. I have been given the chance to put my children on the right path of life.
To be confident, with courage and kindness.
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