Guilt

I have dedicated much of my time to writing about overcoming mental health. And since recovering from alcoholism and BDP symptoms eight years ago I have been in a position to share my experience and to help others. I also write a weekly blog post for the Central Pain Syndrome Foundation. A non profit charity supporting sufferers of a brutall nerve condition with no cure. I was diagnosed myself in 2019.

I have found it incredibly difficult to adapt. From writing about how to overcome depression to then begin to experience symptoms of it myself put me in an awkward position. As a father I also had to adapt to new limitations as I fought to get my chronic nerve pain under control.

This is an honest blog and the truth is that I have struggled to deal with parenting and chronic pain. I have experienced a lot of guilt and frustration over the last few years. Mostly I have grappled to support my family which with much absence from work has been hard to say the least. All I wanted to do as a man was work hard and support my family and to build a life for us.

I have had to accept and understand that financial support is just a small part of what I can achieve as a parent. A more important show of my role is to raise my family in a home of love. To teach my daughters kindness and how to forgive – to be free from anger is the greatest gift I can pass on before anything else.

Even though I have physical limitations now I can still be a kind, loving parent. Through improving myself mentally and spiritually through meditation I can bring emotional stability under my roof. And my girl’s are happy. We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I have no reason to feel guilt.

It serves no use to sit in self pity. As much as I feel the pull of negativity I cannot let it overwhelm me. I have a job to do. My family need me solid mentally, and to be able to meet the stresses of life as they crop up. So as long as I can still meditate I have a chance to survive central pain syndrome and not let pain define me. Then guilt is just another emotion I need to be watchful of.