There was a time I was an over emotional boy in a mans body. I needed attention and validation to keep my self esteem up. I needed to be constantly pampered and resented women who didn’t treat me as a I expected to be treated. Girlfriends and friends alike. I was a weak man. Unable to function without what I perceived as a woman’s love.
The problem with being a resentful mummies boy is that it doesn’t make the basis of a healthy relationship. Some women buy into the act, touched by the needy personality. But it doesn’t last. Strong women don’t put up with it for long. Becoming an emotional crutch for a man’s emotions breeds resentment. Him for not getting his ego stroked, and her for refusing to pamper to his needs.
As men we have a definite role to play in a relationship. And it is to be emotionally strong. Women appreciate a man who can stand on his own two feet. Who can manage without the constant need for approval.
Approval and love are not synonymous. I learned this the hard way. Needing approval is just that. It is born out of resentment and fear for failing to get a woman’s love somewhere along the line. Whereas love is free from all emotional entanglement. To love is to live in a state of ready forgiveness, to live without expectation and to treat another with respect.
Some couples though thrive on the drama the emotions bring. They feed off each others emotional failings. We all know the type. They become tied by resentment. As sick as their relationship may get they always gravitate back to each other. They are under a spell – driven by overthinking and over emotional responses. I have been in those relationships in the past. Hating my partner for not receiving the love I felt I deserved and her sick with control over me. I was as weak as they come.
A real loving relationship is based on a mutual respect. A conscious awareness of each other that doesn’t overstepped boundaries. I trust my wife completely and she trusts me. There is no resentment between us because we don’t allow to fester. We talk our problems through without fear or rancour. I have had to learn to do this and it hasn’t always been easy. My ego crops up at times with old thinking that I have to keep in check.
Weak men rarely survive their families. These are the men that are always seeking attention, cheat and fail at their responsibilities. They are dishonest and resentful towards the opposite sex. And because of this they will continue to sink further in their need for validation. And they will always be able to find it because there are weak women too.