It’s been almost 3 years since the accident that caused my central pain syndrome. It’s been a long and challenging road so far.
From the start I spiralled into negativity. I struggled daily to function as I did before but was unable to keep any consistency. I couldn’t perform at work and had to give up welding job because of the pain and my mental state.
I got lost in resentment at the forced changes to my life. I struggled to financially support my family. There were times we took charity to buy the girls food and nappies. We got behind on our mortgage and bills. And the harder I pushed myself to get better the worse my body reacted.
I sought help with the pain clinic and it was there I learned of the negative impact of stress. And how it can ramp up the pain. And I was stressed to the max. A good friend told me that I had to let go of my anger. It was a wake up call that began a road of mental recovery.
It soon became clear that my condition was permanent and that the main focus of my management had to be in dealing with the emotional strain. As long as I resented I was going to suffer and there was much to let go of. I had to change my attitude towards the pain.
One of my biggest resentments, next to my pain was that Stacey was struggling to accept my condition. We were in a difficult situation with triplets and I wasn’t doing great at home. I wanted her approval in a way and I wasn’t getting it. In truth no one could deal with my cps but me. I was getting lost in the problem and was doing little to seek ways of managing my pain. She had to adjust to my cps as much as I did. I had to be patient and allow Stacey the space to come around on her own.
Letting go of my resentment and frustration at my pain wasn’t going to happen over night. Especially as the pain would change and appear in other parts of my body. The main of my cps was centred in my head and lower spine and lumber region. But I knew I had to find away to cope. Medications worked but it was months before they became fully effective. Another thing I resented.
But over time, with non contemplative meditation, medication and a change in diet due to type 2 diabetes, things slowly began to change. The main thing was that I stopped struggling with the pain. I began to find acceptance around my condition. It was going no where and my life had to be dedicated to improving. However I could.
At the end of 2020 I had finally got a handle on the monster. It doesn’t mean I no longer suffer, it just means it no longer overwhelms me. I have now accepted that many areas of my life have changed and because of meditation I no longer fight with myself, or my cps.
I’ve made progress over the last year. I have settled into a new role at work and my home life has improved. The triplets are at a challenging age so my improvement in management has come at the right time.
If you are struggling with cps my advice would be to stop struggling with the mental pressures. Let go of any anger you have towards your condition and be kind to yourself. You are dealing with pain normal folks will never understand. A small change in attitude can make a big difference in your life.
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