Nothing is more destructive to a family environment than anger. Wether its a Dad’s inability to deal with his emotions with the stress of daily life , or a mothers impatience, There will be casualties.
Impatience, jealousy, bitterness, anger, annoyance are all forms of resentment. Even fear is just anger around events that are yet to happen. Everyone experiences that deal, getting angry with someone because we already fear they are going to let us down or fail us is just one example. Fear creates tension, the ripples effect everyone in a home. Children are more sensitive to it than anyone.
We live in a society in which anger is seen as a normal healthy emotion, it’s marketed as such, one to be managed. Think about the last time you saw red, or felt that agitation rise into your chest then that heat in your face as it overwhelms you. Heart racing, head boiling, Acting or speaking out in rage, bringing hell on earth. Only to experience the guilt and embarrassment after the event has passed, when you finally return to ‘consciousness’.
Looking at the damage anger brings I’d label it anything but a healthy emotion. The prison system is full of young men labelled with what is termed as borderline personality disorder. Are they sat there because they were unable to manage their anger successfully, or are they sat there because their anger is managing them?
Who really wants to admit that its a problem, and take an honest look at it’s effects on those closest to us. It’s much easier to justify and rationalise it as a just normal behaviour that ‘everyone has’.
As recovered alcoholic I’ve been on the front line with men and women who’s family’s are destroyed by the real cause of all obsessive behaviour and internal conflict, unrecognised and suppressed anger. I’ve watched the relationships and marriages fail, the children suffer in the middle of it, the suicides, the chaos and madness. I’ve also lived and survived it.
I have also seen men and women establish a new order of things and begin to bring a spirit of patience to a home.
Alcoholics are an extreme example of where anger can take someone. But even the smallest attitude of intolerance can cause as much damage to a child’s environment.
As a parent now, raising a family I have even more of a responsibility to stay out of anger. No matter what goes on around me. Keeping my own council and remaining consistent and conscious is the only way I can do this deal. I cannot afford to throw my toys out of the pram and not expect it to effect my Family. My actions affect everyone under my roof. I cannot run to justifications and self pity as excuses for an inability to control my temper. Simply put it would eventually end my home life.
‘So what’s the solution’ ?
The solution to meeting stress without becoming overwhelmed by it is incredibly simple.
Not easy, but simple.
The solution to anger is to be able to observe it, nothing more. To be in a position to be able to step back as it rises, without struggling, to just let it pass in that moment before it overwhelms. .
This only happens when we are awake to see it happening. So each time we are presented with an opportunity to react. In that moment, grace replaces a prideful spirit. Instead of stress digging at us, we sharpen from those moments.
There is no avoiding stress in the stream of life. But we do have an opportunity to strengthen from it. To begin to deal with life with a natural courage that comes from practicing consciousness, rather being constantly driven by emotions. Family life can never be the same because of it.
The ripples of patience slowly replace the damaging ripples of intolerance as a result.
There is a specific type of meditation that brings this state of consciousness. It is a simple exercise that allows you to pull back from thoughts. To bring you back to the present moment, the only place anyone ever needs to be. The only place my family needs me.It’s complimentary, there’s nothing to learn or buy. No gurus to follow. Just 10 minutes x3 times a day is enough for this powerful awakening exercise to work.
It is a personal experience. One you may or may not be ready for. But believe me it is a game changer.
This is the guided meditation, passed on freely by a man with decades of experience with it. If stress, anger, overthinking is becoming a real problem and you’ve exhausted other options as a solution, this may be exactly what your searching for.