It’s been two and a half years since I got rear ended in my car. My vehicle was written off and I developed central pain syndrome.
My life changed dramatically from the beginning. I was unable to work for months at a time. My family took a big financial hit as testing began to discover and diagnose my condition. It was a difficult adjustment.
Over the last couple of years I’ve had bouts of depression when I have been overwhelmed by pain. It takes it’s toll on me at times. But lately I have made a little progress in managing my chronic pain condition.
I put it down to settling on the medication, cutting sugar out of my diet, taking vitamin supplements and above all letting go of the fear and resentment tied to the forced changes in my life. Being treated for sleep apnea will also be a benefit to my mental state.
I spent a lot of time in frustration at my doctors, resenting the months between appointments. I felt shame that I can now only work part time and the impact that’s had on our financial situation.
I have experienced fear in that my condition hasn’t improved and I have worried about how life will be in ten years time.
All this worry and frustration has dug away at my mind. My deppresion brought on by the pressures I have experienced. I cannot change what has happened, nor is there any point in speculating about the future. All I have is the now.
By this I mean that what is happening in the present moment is all that really counts and it’s where my attention needs to be. Worrying removes me from real life into a stressed out fantasy land with only bad outcomes. I get lost in the fears and instead of having faith in my journey I become overwhelmed by the ‘what ifs’ that may not even occur.
My meditation practice is vital to my spiritual wellbeing. Replacing fear with faith and letting go of resentment is the most important thing I can do to manage my health. Getting lost in anger causes my body to run at higher revs. Anger amps my pain up – as does fear.
I have made a little progress over the last couple of months. I am no longer stressing about the future or running on thoughts of fear. And as a result of practicing conscious awareness I am now dealing with the pain without complaint. I am still suffering but doing it with a clear mind, free from overthinking and the negative emotions that weave their way out of thoughts.
I still have a long road ahead of me but with a conscious mindset and faith in God’s grace I know that I will manage. Leaving me available to be a good parent and husband. One that does as much as he can to support his family.