I have been writing this blog for almost 3 years now and have been through some big changes as a parent and husband.
The triplets are well into the toddler stage, now potty trained and in big girls beds. It feels like the time has shot by. It seemed only yesterday they weren’t even crawling and dependant on us for everything.
I rarely get time to reflect with so much happening in front of me but felt with it being international father’s mental health awareness day, It would be good to take 5 and see where I am, and how I’m holding up as a first time dad.
The first six months was a whirlwind of emotions and pressures that I had to adapt to. I have always seen it as my role to bring stability to my home and provide for my family. So I struggled mentally to deal with the changes at times. My wife held us together in the times I wavered.
I didn’t believe that becoming a parent would take almost every ounce of my attention and presence. There became no time for a social life and my wife and I both lost friends while in the vacuum of early parenthood. And with my wife’s family so far away we were petty much left alone to cope. The one blessing was my mother in law who moved in to take some of the pressure off.
But as time past we found our groove. Meditation kept me conscious until the unexpected happened and I developed a health condition when the girls were a year old. I then had to adapt to time off work, financial problems and chronic nerve pain to which there is currently no cure.
I have struggled with the last two years, with depression and fear around the future. I haven’t been the father and husband I wanted to be at times. But being a dad I have felt alone to deal with it all, because a man cannot let his family down. I feel the weight of responsibility daily.
Through the ups and downs I have reached out for help. But with months to wait for appointments I am still alone to deal with life and fatherhood. I am learning from my mistakes and hope I am outwardly bringing the love and support needed to my home.
I do my best. I have tried to keep emotionally afloat and with meditation I am making progress in overcoming some of the obstacles that arise from raising a young family. And in dealing with past issues that can cause problems in the present from time to time.
My hope is that one day there will be services available for new dads during the pregnancy and early days of fatherhood. Not all of us have the tools to deal with the pressures at such a crucial time of a babies development.
Men count, and a fathers love is vital to a newborn baby, and to his family who need him present and awake to deal with the rollercoaster ride that is parenthood.
My full journey is available on Amazon in paperback and kindle
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