It’s been a while since I last posted. Partly because I’ve been so busy. And in all honesty I’ve also been having a difficult time, which makes it hard to write, hard to focus while I am still getting to grips with chronic pain. It is a challenge that some days is more in control of me.
I have struggled to stay in contact with people and get overwhelmed with waves of self pity and depression. Thankfully these bouts don’t last long. I am also now getting help with a pain management program with other people in the same violently unstable boat. It is meditation as always that shifts me back to stability after flare ups. It is also mindfulness that is the basis of the pain group.
Home has been difficult of late, mostly because of my struggle with my situation. There have however been positive changes, I returned to work after months off. Working in a new role within the company doing less hours to allow my body an opportunity to slow down and keep my central nervous system from going into a wind up. I’m glad to be back, I want to be able to take care of my family anyway I can. It’s important to me that my daughters grow up knowing a man works if he can.
My daughters are all doing amazingly well. Frankie is enjoying high school and is settling nicely, making new friends and rolling with the changes she faces in a new environment.
The triplets are on top form. Exhausting, funny, loving and brightening up each day. They go to pre school once a week and now all hate being left. It doesn’t last long though, they are soon settled after we leave and play confidently with others. They are incredible. There’s no other word for it.
My wife has had a lot to deal with herself over the last year. My condition has affected her as much as it has our whole house. I haven’t been the best husband of late. I’ve become so involved with my pain and how it’s affected me I’ve forgotten what’s in front of me, what my role is and what I should be contributing emotionally to my family and relationships under my roof.
I’ve had wake up calls that have shunted me back to reality. My wife deserves a husband who is present. What I’m dealing with is not easy, but I need to be aware that I can’t allow fear and frustration become a wedge in our relationship.
I had a good handle on dealing with life as it was. It’s now just a case of adjusting to what it is now, and dealing with it consciously.
Il get there, because I have to.