Take the pain

My health was always something I took for granted. My one priority in life since meeting my wife and Frankie six years ago was to work hard and raise my family.

And it was an achievable goal. I had no reason to doubt that I couldn’t build a good future for us, to move us into a good neighbourhood and do well in my job and give those who rely on me stability. And I did those things. As well as raising the triplets.

I’m still trying to come to terms with the rapid changes in my health that have occured over the last year, and it’s not easy.

I am still in limbo as to discovering a cause for the intense electrical nerve pain I experience almost permanently around my body and face. The mental strain also takes a toll when the pain increases during flare ups that can last from days to months.

The inevitable has happened and I have now been signed off work indefinitely while awaiting another MRI scan and memory tests, hoping to rule out MS. The weight of that alone is not always easy to manage. I have a good neurologist but as with all things NHS it takes time. So it’s a case of trying my best to practice daily patience.

It’s almost as though I’ve lost who I was. There are days it’s difficult to comprehend my situation, and days I struggle to imagine the ongoing impact on my family. The pressure on my marriage has also been difficult as my wife has had to adapt to the changes herself. As she sais she’s not used to me being so limited. We are joking that I now have to use a walking stick. I can’t say I’m over happy about it but that’s just my pride taking a dent.

But as with all things it’s faith that keeps me afloat in the darker moments. I will adjust and learn to cope with the changes. For now though il make the most of being at home with my wife and daughters. As someone reminded me this week. Love is the most important thing I can bring to my family. Everything else is just a bonus.