It was a given that I would question my every move as a first time dad. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. Although my role during the pregnancy was clear, I was still facing a brand new situation. One that thankfully my wife had experience of even if only with one newborn. I had to be prepared to shut up and learn as a man who had never changed a nappy before.
Once the triplets arrived my wife naturally fell into her new role. No longer plagued by the depression and anxieties that she suffered throughout the pregnancy she was free to focus on the job at hand. She intuitively knew exactly what the triplets needed and when.
Even the nurse’s on the scbu were impressed with her handling of the situation. They were happy to take a step back and follow directions, and allow Stacey to deal with the triplets and their needs.
It was amazing to see how in tune she was, especially emerging emotionally from the struggles she had faced in the previous months. Those maternal instincts came into play from the moment she first held Ava.
It was clear that the only thing in the way of her God-given intuition was fear. Once it subsided everything changed for her. And not even the biggest of stresses we have faced over the last 21 months has distracted her from her purpose.
As for me as a dad, It was vital that I find my own fatherly intuition. And it wasn’t easy. As with my wife I struggled with resentment and fear once the triplets came home.
I began to feel separation from her, and the more I pressured her to meet my expectations of our relationship the worse matters got. I became petty and bitter that my needs were not being listened to. Almost overnight I lost my intuition and it was replaced by self-centred fears. All that was really happening was that I was struggling to adjust. Tiredness was making everything worse. I was battling mentally to cope with work and home life.
It was only when I became conscious of the selfish way I was acting that I was able to let go of my fears. My wife needed me present, not lost in my own concerns. I learned a hard lesson as a man who was trying my best. I was failing to live up to my own expectations as a new parent and everyone was suffering from the bitterness of my failings. It was a realisation that grounded me back to consciousness.
Without fear I was again free to focus on my role as a new parent. Which was simple, support my wife so she could focus on our daughters. Bring the principles of patience and love to my home each day. Because without the emotional drive of fear and anger there is a natural clarity that exists. And when living by intuition, in the present moment away from the emotional pull of over thinking, the next right thing becomes apparent. And it’s a beautiful way to raise a family.