Not everybody is raised with the tools for parenting. Even those brimming with self-confidence at the idea of becoming a mum or dad can be smacked in the face once the harsh realities of the emotional strain and tiredness literally hit home. The pressures can be overwhelming to the most instinctive new parent.
Some going into parenthood are raised in loving home’s, already aware of what contributes to a child’s wellbeing. But what about those who weren’t?
Many become parent’s ill-equipped to deal with the pressures involved. Men and women already suffering from mental health problems and destructive obsessive behaviours from damaged upbringings entrusted with children, planned or not face the challenge of a lifetime in raising families who can’t escape the stressful environment they are born into.
Without a new way to face the pressures involved, rather than escaping to damaging distractions, parents fail their children and the cycle goes on.
Coming from a broken home myself I grew up full of resentment and anger towards the idea of a loving family life. It was a life I never imagined I would be able to cope with. I was too damaged to hold onto a healthy relationship and too self-centred to care about anyone other than myself.
It was only when I got sober I began to understand the gravity and effect on my life from the absence of any fatherly direction and guidance in my life. The importance of two stable influences in the life of a child cannot be stressed enough.
I also believe that any family can stay the distance, however damaged an individual beginning the journey of parenting may be. But it takes a willingness and dedication to change. Love needs to become a central force of the home.
If I was to ever change the path for myself and those who would come to rely on me I had to let go of the grip of my past. The spirit of anger I harboured had to be replaced by one of patience and love.
To become a loving parent I had to forgive, to give up anger. I could no longer carry the resentment and fear that culminated from years of frustration and bitterness at the damage of a past badly lived. It was that simple. If I didn’t let go it would drag into my family life and eventually destroy everything worthwhile.
Even the most dishonest drug addict, the most self driven anger fuelled alcoholic has the ability to become the person a child vitally needs in a parent. All it takes is a willingness to let go of the past, outgrow fear and become conscious of the responsibility in front of them.
The solution to any problem is to stop struggling with it. I had a world of fears going into fatherhood. Fears from abuse, fears of a past of chronic mental health problems and alcoholism that if I allowed to control me would have stopped me from being the husband and father I needed to be.
By not struggling I’m referring to the internal daily battle we engage in with negative thinking and the emotions that weave their way into our lives through simply becoming lost in thoughts.
If you have a head that doesn’t shut off and leave you alone. The answer to freedom from it is to separate from all thoughts as they arise to pull you from the present moment. To become an observer of that which passes through the mind. The good and bad without being affected by it.
Do this and all internal problems, fears and anxieties lose their grip. It happens Instantly as we begin to live consciously in the present moment. Free from the attachment to the over thinking mind. In the present we find freedom from all mental health issues. Obsessive thinking and behaviours fall away, replaced by a natural intuition and discernment to deal with life without struggling.
By living in this conscious state, brought about by a very special non-contemplative meditation we have everything we need to overcome fears and un-manageability. We find a new way to exist that can never fail to affect our children in a positive way. No matter how far we’ve fallen in the past, or how much we are fighting with presently.
Life doesn’t need to be a struggle ever again.