There were occasions, especially during the first six months that I would leave work, park up at home and get hit with a sense of defeat at the mere thought of walking into the house. I would be already exhausted from a lack of sleep the previous nights and from work that day.
I would turn the engine off, rest my head on the wheel and take a deep breath. I knew exactly what was coming. My wife would be exhausted herself from breastfeeding and dealing with the girls. My day was no where near over. Occasionally in those moments I would feel a twinge of bitterness rising from the feeling of being stuck on a relentless roundabout that showed no signs of slowing.
It’s difficult for Dads not to feel on the outside looking in at times. Everyone wants to feel appreciated but in the middle of a highly stressful situation there isn’t much time for pats on the back. My wifes focus was completely tuned to the triplets and Frankie. And rightly so. We both had jobs to do. There would be plenty of time to regroup when the dust settled.
I had to stay awake to the temptation to get lost in my worries and observe my rising anger. The meditation I practice kept me in a position where watching it rise without it overwhelming me was possible (there’s a link to it at the bottom of this post). I had become a multiple parent and had no choice but to remain consistent in myself.
However you dress it up or play it down, self pity is an ugly thing in a man. No matter what emotional struggle my wife was experiencing it was my job to keep the family together. I needed to bring the stability, my wife had enough to deal with. I also knew that where I was and how I felt wasn’t permanent. We were both experiencing a massive adjustment on every level.
The problem with negative thinking is the internal struggle that it creates. No one makes sound decisions when overwhelmed with anger. It festers like a rotten infection influencing how we react to the world and the people in it. We put everyone on eggshells when sat in resentment. Peeling ourselves off the self pity potty when we catch ourselves having a little sit down is vital if we are to remain useful. Meditation is one way to detach from it.
Staying out of arguments is impossible when anger takes hold. We lose any courage and authority; the ability to remain patient and tolerant with loved ones dissolves fast. If conscious I can bring balance to my home, even during the hardest of times. if lost in self pity and justified anger and unconscious all I will bring is hell on earth.
So if anxiety, anger, over thinking, bitterness, frustration and self pity are forces that are taxing you regularly. If temporary solutions like prescription medications or getting piss drunk only add to the stresses on the family and home life. Here is a free, permanent solution to meeting stress properly and strengthening from it without mentally struggling constantly. Because if Dads okay. The family will gain strength from that alone.