When all you got is sick

I have been wanting to do a nice update on the developments and changes that occur on our journey with triplets. It is one of the reasons why I write. To share our experience. It seems this last month or so to have been a difficult task to write about anything without danger of becoming whinging blogger statistic with regular content dragging you along on a weekly misery trip of snot and coughs.

It’s not where I wanted to end up.The only really funny thing that occurred over the weeks was when Ava puked on the dogs head, but I’ve already written about that so where do I go from there?

Once In a while it’s inevitable that illness will hit. But this house has had a bad run since Easter. Not just the triplets but the whole family. So I have had little else content in which to offer. I have been in no headspace to write anything I felt of worth to give.

As I write this we’ve had little sleep again; with three babies, myself and Stacey unwell ourselves. Myself with a virus that has drained me all week – and my wife and babies with ongoing coughs and temperatures.

We were lucky to have one weekend with two of the triplets relatively content and out of the grizzles. But it’s hard to avoid as a parent. It’s just been hard work.

Without sounding like a dying swan. Here’s where we are.

I have found myself getting stuck a groove of concern without noticing til now. As the breadwinner of the house I have lost time from work through illness. I have struggled with hip pain which has now been discovered as a hernia.

Only now I am realising how disconnected I have been feeling from the bigger picture in my life. Pain has drained me. It’s unavoidable as I am on my feet from 5.30 – til my day is done around 9pm. Without knowing the problem it has raised doubts about my ability to provide for my family. Creeping doubts when run down can be amplified to overwhelming problems yet to exist. My family need me – not lost in worry.

Fear has pierced me through tiredness, pain and a lack of consciousness. Meditation is extremely difficult when drugged up to the eyeballs on gabapentin and tramadol. Staying watchful of negative emotions becomes impossible. The frustration got real.

The hardest thing about being run down with triplets is that there is no real opportunity to rest and gain strength. The days are relentless. For my wife it’s been even harder as she’s had to cope with me at home on the ropes all week. She’s been amazing.

So although we are still all suffering at the moment at some level. I’m in a better position to get back on with life without the constant worry nagging at me. I know what is causing the pain and a solution is on the horizon. A return to consciousness has brought me back to the light. The fog is lifting. I feel present once again.

With a bit of luck the rest of my bunch will be back to good health soon. Because watching my babies all ill is tough going. Feels like we need a break. Or maybe this is just parenthood.