For a home to become a thriving environment for everyone, there needs to be a spirit of love at the centre of it. That doesn’t mean it will be without stresses and tensions. But if the stresses and tensions are met properly, with patience and tolerance, everyone has a chance to grow.
The challenges facing new parents can be overwhelming at times. I don’t believe our marriage would have survived had I not been willing to outgrow my fears and stay out of self pity. Not an easy job when suffering from lack of sleep while my wife was adjusting to her new role. And me mine.
As men we need to be prepared to take a back seat in the early days. My wife was so focused on breastfeeding and taking care of the Babies, she had no time to hear of my worries and doubts. At times I felt on the outside looking in. It was tough. I had to work while my wife and mother in law took care of the triplets. Through tiredness and being unable meditate properly I began to resent that I couldn’t be at home. Doubts about our relationship and future began to creep in. Luckily I was able to just observe those negative thoughts without reacting to them.
As Dad, I had a very specific role. It is to remain consistent. My wife and I discussed this earlier. Women go through all sorts of physical and emotional upheavals. Hormones play a part in the moods and stress, as do their own fears and doubts. I had to be awake to that. I’ve said before that nothing she threw at me was personal, even if it was.
She told me one of the things that got her through was that she knew I was solid. That I could take the strain when she couldn’t. To baton down the hatches during the rough moments, instead of biting into the temptation to retaliate was the best thing I could have done. The last thing she would have needed was seeing me overwhelmed and over emotional. A woman needs to feel secure when she feels anything but at times. There are always opportunities to talk clearly after the storms.
I have to be focused on what I need to do. For the sake of the family they need me strong. My job is to practice patience and tolerance. When I’m calm, the house stays calm. My wife is happy and my daughters feel that.