There has been more than one occasion in my life that I have stopped briefly this time of year to take a look at events past, and thought with a sense of bewilderment, “what in the hell has just happened”?.They weren’t always positive reflections such is life, but there was always something to take from it. Usually a life lesson or two, or five.
If someone had told me this time last year I would now be a Father to three beautiful triplet girls, I would have laughed you out of the workshop. Many strange things have happen in my life, but being Launched into Jedi level Nappy changing, baby pacifying and a life changing experience such as Fatherhood to another three girls would never have been something I could have anticipated. Mostly Because it’s an insane and almost impossible thing to process.
Three decades ago, by this point I had already swapped my dream of being a stuntman over to chasing the more realistic, and much more suited future career as a stadium filling rock legend. My heroes certainly were enjoying a an excessive life of sex, drugs and rock n roll, at least the ones still breathing. I was going to be loved and appreciated by the world, on stage and off.
Two decades ago I was sat as an in-patient on a psychiatric ward, on full flight from reality, scratching my arse wondering why no one had given me a record deal yet. Not only was I the ultimate undiscovered tortured artist by that point, but I had also acquired supernatural powers.
One decade ago I was scraping along the rock bottom of alcoholism, angry at my failings and the self centred sot I had become. I hated the world and no one more than myself. It was impossible to look ahead, I was unable to give up my anger and unable to stop drinking on my own resources. I had failed everything and everyone in my life and I couldn’t make it stop. I was crippled with the fear of how I would survive without alcohol. It was a bleak, I was stuck halfway around the world with nowhere left to go.
Tonight I came home from a job I worked hard for. I bathed each of my babies as I do every night and had that special time with them, while Stacey got the rest of the evening routine ready for their bed time.
After feeds we take them up and I put them in their sleeping sacks, kiss them all goodnight as they smile up from their cots at me. Nothing moves me more. Many men do not get a second chance at life. That’s exactly what I’ve been granted.
I can honestly say I know what it is to love another human being unconditionally. I see the importance of what it is to give of myself so others can benefit. So that my family may thrive. If there’s anything I can take from this year it’s that the unexpected will continue to happen in my life. That the opportunities for me to grow on this journey will always be coming, my practicing patience is everything.
To reflect on this year is to see the beginning. The decision to start this blog was one made in sleep deprivation. I needed to document what was happening, simply so I wouldn’t forget. Although very personal at times I am glad I began. I’d like to thank you for taking the time to share in this journey with us. And for your messages of support. I hope to become a better blogger in the new year, once I figure out linky’s. (If your not a blogger, you’ll have as much understanding of what that means as I do, just know it’s important)
This will be my last post now until the new year. So from my house to yours, have a wonderful Christmas and God bless x
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