One of the questions that was brought up by Stacey during the pregnancy was ‘will we have enough love for them all, and how do we divide it between them all and Frankie’?
Not a possible dilemma that I had considered at all, but one I began to think about myself , as it’s a valid question. Children need attention and nurturing. There was two of us. And four of them. Frankie was probably going to be the most affected.
being careful not to get pulled into another nagging doubt (going through a multiple pregnancy there are many that can overwhelm). It was something that wouldn’t be answered til they arrived. No one can second guess how they are going to emotionally feel about a future situation.
I remember well those first few days in the NICU. It was exactly the same for both of us. It went like this.
I would be handed Ava for some skin to skin time to bond , and whilst holding her. I’d be looking at her thinking ‘ Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever loved anything more’. My heart exploded in those moments with each of them. Still does. It’s like experiencing unconditional love for the first time, x3.
Then Stacey and me would swap and I’d be then holding Lacey and looking at her I’d think exactly the same thing. Then again with little Blakely. It was clear to me right from the start that there was enough to go around. I felt exactly the same with each of them. Thankfully my relationship with Frankie was already established.
I have no idea what having one baby is like. I only know that with three there needs to be almost a little independence introduced from day one. They will have to learn that immediately making a noise doesn’t necessarily mean they are going to be immediately picked up. And I don’t need to feel guilt because of that.
They have to learn to be a bit patient when it comes to things like feeds, not that they always are because they’re babies. Obviously when A baby is grumpy and hungry it’s going to get loud. It doesn’t make you a bad parent because you can’t pacify three at once. It just means that they are learning slowly to self soothe. Because they have to. It’s the same at bed time.
Not a bad thing in my opinion, I mean who needs three mollycoddled babies growing up to be still emotionally attached to your ankles when they’re forty years old unable to figure things out for themselves without pulling at your heartstrings for answers.
Not to get too far ahead of myself, but with babies we’re playing the long game from the start. What they begin to learn when they’re little is what they’ll move forward in life with. Independence is a good thing.
It would also be a nightmare for Stacey during the day if the only way the babies settled was by rocking them to sleep in your arms. We know their cries, what is pain and what is the grumps. That’s how we priorities who gets settled first in the moments they are all fired up.
Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t mean to come across as cold hearted, which has been taken that way when I’ve spoken about it before with other parents who ask how we cope. It’s more about being sensible and realistic with an unusual situation.
Beleive me these baby’s get hugs, and love and attention. There are no favourites. And we’ve watched Frankie find a little of her own independence this year.
I don’t worry that we cannot nurture and love them all. I don’t worry that we cannot raise them to be loving individuals. I don’t believe any of them will suffer in the long run because they had to wait a few minutes before being picked up. If anything I hope it will eventually teach them to find their own little solutions to things in the moments Mum and Dad are occupied.