Each scan brought a little relief. We would both feel the apprehension driving to the hospital, yet the babies seem to be doing well. Mama’s oven was doing a great job and the twins were sharing. Our advice from the doc was to keep doing whatever it was we were doing.

living with a pregnant woman is on a different level. I’m quite ashamed of the ignorant attitude I used to hold towards the female species in regards to what they have  go through emotionally and physically to bring a life into the world.

Amongst other symptoms her abdomen stretched to the point her belly went numb. She ended up on bed rest,  unable to walk the stairs without losing all her energy as the growing triplets pushed against her lungs. She had four heartbeats, forty fingers and forty toes. Four lots of female hormones going haywire, do you feel my pain on that one? She would joke that three minutes of passion and I put her in a wheelchair, it became the only way she could get out of the house.

She hid depression, her anger towards me seemed relentless. I recall taking mint ice cream up to her one night and got the tv remote launched at my head because it wasn’t what she wanted. I would come home exhausted from a physical job, cook dinner, walk the dog, tidy up, do shopping and housework, try to spend time with Frankie then get shouted at about not cleaning properly.

It took everything in me at times not walk out. It was a dark time in our house.  It was painful to see the woman I love in so much discomfort and anxiety, sounds dramatic but I was beginning to wonder if my wife would ever come back.

I’m glad I endured though. I’m glad by my not reacting as I used to it cooled her quicker when she was overwhelmed with it all. I’m glad I managed to stay free from the anger I felt rising in me towards her. My pride took a battering and I had to suck it up and ride it out.

The heat wave kept the tension high. The clear scans every fortnight brought the hope.

I owe a real debt to my phone a friend who a few years prior introduced me to a meditation that allowed me to step back and observe my anger and fear before it got me. I’m no saint, and it isn’t always an easy practice. But without being conscious of it within myself this whole turn of events would have been a very different experience. I have over the last few years had the opportunity to show others struggling with anger a way to overcome their conflicts.

Resentment has no place in a family home.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s